How Many People Wanna Kick Some ASS
by Jester666
Summary: In this story Naruto and the gang log onto and are somewhat surprised at what they find. Now it's off on a road trip to get back their dignity. Rated M for lots of swearing. At one point there are some descriptions that are not in good taste I.O.W SEX!
1. I HATE FANGIRLS!

Author's Note: Hello How are we all doing. Well this is a chapter in my upcoming series How Many People Wanna Kick Some Ass. This is Jester666 speaking and I will be helped along the way by my good friend JT Jewels and I came with this idea when talking to a friend of mine (a FMA fangirl). I was quite displeased with her when I learned that in her fanfics ROY MUSTANGE WAS GAY!!!!! Now don't get me wrong I have many gay friends (I'm looking at you Steven -if you're reading this-) and I have nothing wrong with them, but… Roy Mustang is not one of them. He enjoys poon. He's practically fucking that Lt. Hawkeye for Christ sake! So when I was talking to my fangirl friend I realized if the cast of Naruto could see what was happening to them in your fanfics they would go on a killing spree. It would be Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back, but with Naruto. I have inserted many footnotes into the text in (AN: …) inside of the text. Editors if you have a problem with this tell me. So fangirls this is for you. (co-written as I have mentioned by JT Jewels and a little help from my friend Bob. Original Idea by The Jester666) Enjoy.

How Many People Wanna Kick Some Ass?

Chapter 1

Written by: The Jester666

Naruto burst into Tsunade's office. He frantically looked about the room to find everyone that he'd called had shown up. Sakura, she had stolen the key… Sasuke, Ino, Choji, Shikamaru, Neji, Tenten, Rock Lee, Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara of the Funk—I mean Sand, "Alright, glad to see you all made it. Listen I've got some important news, and you're not gonna be happy!"

"since when would we be happy about any of your news loser?"

"Shut up Sasuke—Anyways, I've found something we should really be concerned about!!" Naruto was only building some suspense, but it only amounted to pissing off half the group,

"What is it? Is Akatski attacking, or Orochimaru invading? For gods sake just tell us!!" Lee yelled exasperatedly.

"Oh that doesn't even come _close _to what's happening!!"

"Just tell you goddamn fool!" Neji yells as he gets ready to sock Naruto clean out of the room, "Alright, alright… Jesus can't a man give some intensity to a dire situation?" he received death glares and a few growls, "Okay, okay… damn pack of wolves… Anyways listen up; I found a website called On this website, there are tens of thousands of stories being written using us."

"The fuck—you mean to tell me you called us all here just to bullshit us?!!"

"No, now listen up I'm not done yet; Even though some of the stories are kickass and action packed and just plain cool, that just a few. For the most part the majority of these things are absolutely stupid and absolutely no good. The reason? They're written so that we, the entire male cast of Naruto, are portrayed as being gay!!"(AN: with the exception of Shikamaru HE IS OFF THE FUCKING CHAIN!!! If any of you fangirls make Shikamaru gay I will be very unhappy)

"Woah woah woah, you mean to tell me that some chicks from all over the world are writing shitty stories that are making us gay?!!" Sasuke said in a stunned yet angry disbelief.

"You know, you've got more fangirls that The Backstreet Boys and N-Sinc put together, and what's worse is that they've made stories to the point where you've had gay sex with all of us…" Naruto dejectedly stated.

"Oh fuck that man, I'm gonna have a little peak at this!! In fact you know what?! All of us should do that then we'll meet back here alright? Cause' this is absolutely ridiculous!!"

Three Hours Later

Back in the Hokage's office all of them meet again this time all extremely pissed off and accompanied by a morbidly pissed Kakashi and a _seething _Guy Sensei. All of them were sharing stories of the indignities they had suffered at the fangirls hands.

"You know something? They made me a goddamn Naruto lover, and I don't mean I'm a fan I'm the fucker!!" Sasuke yelled. "I mean common'!! Why make me gay for this son of a bitch in these goddamn fics?!! I mean sure I'm an emo fuck who turns into a monster wearing lip stick… but goddamn that's just taking it to far man!"

"Oh yeah? Tell me about it they made me the BITCH… clearly these people have not been paying attention, cause' you and Gaara would be _my_ bitches if we were gay. Everyone knows that!" Naruto yelled.

"The fuck's that mean?!" screamed Gaara of the Funk (OFF THE FUCKING CHAIN)—er—Sand and Sasuke at the same time.

"Well think about it if I were gay with Sasuke he'd be the bitch cause he's a whiny emo. And Gaara… dude you couldn't Dom a fly. So why would I be either of your bitches?" Naruto explained.

"God just look at this," Choji said scrolling through the pages on his lap top, "a Naruto Sasuke one (AN: ew), a Naruto Gaara one (AN: I am opposed to this pairings in so many ways I cannot list them here as the story would be to long but just ew), a Choji Ino one (AN: again ew. Fat people just don't date (supposedly) hot blonds trust me I know), a Naruto Sakura (AN: indifference on my part for these just write better… damn), a Tenten Neji (AN: indifference), a Lee Tenten (AN; right like Lee could get laid HAH), a Sasuke Itachi one

(AN: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ONE OF YOU FANGIRLS IS FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD FOR THAT ONE!!!) and a Shikamaru Temari one (AN: dude kinda skeptical that this would happen but a lot of the time has funny results. So yeah if you right a funny one keep up the good work -See my other fanfics to see what else I think about this pairing- but stick to the GODDAMN CHARACTER!!!!!!). These are just a few of'em and they all suck monkey nuts!! Look I think we need to do something about this!" Everybody agreed with Choji on this but there was a _bit _of a problem, "What can we do about it? If we complain, they ain't gonna stop cause' we told'em to! They're just gonna say 'Oh if you don't like them don't read them instead of complaining…nag, nag, nag, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch… I'm a fangirl who is compelled to think of gay sex between male characters and has to share it with the world even if I'm totally ruining the character and insulting the writers and absolutely destroying a fine piece of art (COUGH), and of course I can't think of original characters to have act out my sick twisted and sometimes incestuous fantasies because I only spend my time watching anime and reading manga (AN footnote: I have less of a life than anyone I know but come on even I can think of original characters)." Sakura said disgustedly while holding her stomach and doubling over while vomiting.

"It'll be troublesome, but I think I'll find a way." Shikamaru said speaking out for the first time. "This usually wouldn't bother me but they paired me with that troublesome woman… and she just so happens to scare me shitless." (AN footnote: Temari is scary and while I have nothing against this pairing I do think those fanfics would royally piss off both of them) Shikamaru thought for a while then asked. "Hey how much did we make from going American?"

"A Shit load," Kakashi said with a devilish scowl (hint, hint fangirls).

"Enough for say… every team in Konoha to cover a state?" Shikamaru asked with anger-driven curiosity, "Probably that plus the Japanese profits. I think that should be enough." Guy-Sensei inquired.

"Good. Now then here's _my _solution; Road trip!"

"Road trip?" Naruto asked doubtfully.

"Yes Naruto, a road trip. We track down all the fangirls on this site, you following me? Then we sort them by state, county, then address. You got all this so far? Anyways then we assign each squad a state, or several states depending on the statistiscs… then…"

"_Then?!!_" Naruto asked with a hoarse voice tinged with doubt, "Are you that fucked up in the head? Honestly you can be quite troublesome. Anyway _then_ we send each team to go around and kick each of these fangirls asses, one by one." Shikamaru said exasperated at having to explain himself.

"Ok I get it now!" Naruto said proudly.

"Don't you think that kinda' punishment is a _bit _much?" Tenten asked.

"'Oh Tenten right there' Tenten said as Lee began to…" Choji began to read from his laptop.

"Oh I'm gonna kill the motha' fuckin' crack-whore bitch who wrote that piece of shit trash!" Tenten screamed ripping out a kunai and running toward Choji's laptop trying to stab and kill it,

"Shikamaru's right" Neji proclaimed restraining Tenten, "We've _got _to make our stand _now_! No more shall we be humiliated by being paired with others and forced to have gay sex!"

"No more will I be Sasuke's or Gaara's bitch!" yelled Naruto in triumph.

"No longer will fangirls turn me into a non lazy guy," drawled Shikamaru.

"No longer will I be a useless violent bitch who has an impossible hair color!" yelled Sakura… crickets chirp

"Ok I'll stay a useless violent bitch who has an impossible hair color, has no fans, and is fucked by every man and women hehe in this show at least once in a fanfics." Sakura says resigning herself, "Now that sounds more like it," Naruto says. "Oh shit!"

"What?" asked Sasuke.

"I just realized that Hinata WORTHLESS BITCH, Kiba NOT IMPORTANT AT ALL TO ANYTHING AND COMPLETELY FAILS AT LIFE, and Shino awesome character but boring to write as all I have to say is 'I like bugs' and have him stand around looking cool haven't been in this chapter at all… and since were about to close I thought you know they would've like at least come in for that last part." Naruto said.

"Yeah what the fuck's up with that?" Sasuke asked.

"I guess that the author just forgot to put them in and was to lazy to do it afterward, and probably didn't like the characters enough to bother to put them in so he if he writes the next chapter will probably have us fill them in off screen and then have them in a brief cameo appearance next chapter to appease the Hinata, Kiba, and Shino fans who will already be howling for his blood along with every other fangirl as soon as this gets on the net." Sakura said in her annoying lecturing voice.

"Huh… that does seem like a reasonable and logical explanation," Naruto said. "Well let's go fill them in."

"Alright this is the glorious beginning! To a new world where if there are fanfics, they're made for the plot and not the sex (well maybe just a little) and there is no more gay sex between un-gay characters!" yelled Neji in a battle cry which promised victory with everything in his voice. They all charged out of the room in a way that meant business.

"YEAAHHHH!"

End of chapter 1

Message from Sasuke:

"Hey there fangirls we here at Naruto and Naruto Shipudden would appreciate the **NOT **killing of Jester666 and his cohorts. The fact is , is that you really don't know where this is going just yet so lets not kill him (at least until the story is over) thank you.

Authors Note: Well that was chapter one and hope you liked it and hopefully learned a valuable lesson. If not I got more, plenty more coming at ya. So enjoy.

TY for the Read and Review

Jester666 & JT Jewels (Editor)


	2. On Our Way

How Many People Wanna Kick Some Ass

Chapter 2

Quick AN: I'll try to update every day. That means I've got to write one chapter and then send it to JT Jewels for editing every day. So just go with it if I'm a day late.

Naruto and Sasuke and Sakura were waiting for Kakashi.

"Damn it he's late _again_!" Naruto whined.

"Shut up Naruto. It's bad enough without your bitching," Sasuke said with conviction. Well can you really blame the emo bastard it was close to 5 in the morning?! That's _way _to damn early to get up. The main problem was Kakashi was late… YET AGAIN.

"Hello there. Sorry I'm late but I got lost on the path of life," said a smiling Kakashi with a stoned voice.

"Lying bastard," Naruto sulked (they had been there since 4).

"Alright, alright, now; we all know the mission, correct?" Kakashi asked.

"Yes Sir! We have been assigned to the State of California. We are to beat the ass of all the fangirls on the list we posses and then proceed to return to Konoha to meet up with the others and receive our next state." Sakura said in her annoying Know-It-All voice that pisses everybody off.

"Right so then… we're gonna need a car…" Kakashi said thinking for a minute.

"No problem sir. All the teams were assigned a vehicle when we received the specs. of our mission!" Sakura said (AN: Annoying Bitch)

"Okay LETS GOOOOOOO!" Naruto yelled charging toward Konoha's Gates and the car they had.

A Few Hours Later

"I'm bored!" whined Naruto.

"I SWEAR TO GOD NARUTO IF YOU BITCH ONE MORE TIME…YOU'LL ENVEY WHAT I'M GONNA DO TO THE FANGIRLS!" Sasuke yelled from the shotgun seat.

"Fine I'll shut up… bravado pissin' bastard…" Naruto said dejectedly.

They drove a short way more when they saw a figure standing on the side of the road holding a sign, obviously a hitchhiker. The unusual thing was the sign she held read "HELP ME!!!!!" on it. Kakashi drove up to her and rolled down the window to talk to her.

"Where ya' goin' there honey?" Kakashi asked.

"I don't care let's just get the hell outta' here," the girl said practically jumping at the car.

"Woah, woah, woah, hold up a second! Just who the hell are you and what exactly are you running from?"

"My name is Franny and I'm being chased by the cast of FMA!" She replied.

"What's you're reason?"

"I wrote a fanfics about them." All the car doors locked instantaneously, and Kakashi rolled up the window. They began speeding away when they heard:

"DEATH TO THE FANGIRL!!!! SHE MADE MUSTANGE GAY!!!!!" The all turned to look. What they saw was a herd of people (all out of FMA) running toward Franny. She was booking it for her life, but to no avail. Al dived and got her feet. She went down like a sack o' taters'. Ed pounced, then Mustang, then Hawkeye. Soon there was a dog pile on top of Franny. They still heard Franny screaming. The FMA cast all were beating on poor helpless Franny. Then there was silence. Blood began to run out onto the pavement from under the dog pile. Kakashi just drove off.

"Wasn't that a little harsh?" asked Sakura now feeling sick to her stomach from the sight of blood, "We have no pity for _their _kind…" Sasuke said in a dark tone. That shut Sakura up (AN: Thank GOD!). They still had a long way to go. Soon however they would reach their destination, then…THEN THEIR DIGNITY WOULD BE TAKEN BACK BY FORCE!!!!!

Later in California

"Thank god we finally got here" Naruto said stretching.

"I know that was a freakin' intense ride!" Sakura yawned.

"Alright let's split up here," Kakashi said, "I'll take this part of the list and each one of you take another. Meet back at this hotel when yer done or at 12 Am, whichever comes first."

"Right!" all of them shouted in unison.

AN: Well that wraps up this chapter. Sorry I know it is short but I want to stop here for now as: 1) the next story is going to be really long. 2) The next one is going to be told from 4 P.O.V so there is no way in hell I could fit that into this chapter. And 3) this is a good place to stop.

Well to the fans we don't have yet please check everyday for our updates. JT Jewels and I will try to get through them fast.

Oh and to Franny if you read this… sorry I killed ya but, well… I don't think highly enough of your fanfics not to. Bob if you're reading this I'm gonna try to squeeze you into the next chapter.

See you all.

Ty

Jester666 and JT Jewels (editor)


	3. AN

Hello I apologize to those of you who wanted to read the next installment in my epic tale of blood gore and revenge. And it shall be posted as soon as I can get in touch with JT. I have it written but I don't want to post it until I get someone to read it (It is really graphic! Like really. Ok you know lemons that are really descriptive and have gross stuff in them. This is like that except with violence instead of sex). So as soon as I get in touch with JT I'll post it but I would prefer it was beta read first. Thank you for your patients (though frankly I'll be surprised if anyone really cares!) Anyway again Thank You

Jester666


	4. The Great Fangirl Massacre Begins

How Many People Wanna Kick Some Ass

Chapter 3: The Great Fangirl Massacre

AN: Ok quick AN this time. I would appreciate comments on this fic. I know a lot of you who actually read this will probably be pissed as hell… But try to move beyond your annoyance to look at the literary qualities that it presents. And if it doesn't have any say that to (I don't fucking care).Oh yeah this is the sickest most violent piece of shit ever written and unless you have a sick twisted and dark sense of humor you should not continue (I'm serious there is some gross shit in it, like a girl having her head taken off by a single punch) Thank you

Jester666

NARUTO'S POV

I ran at break neck speed from the meeting point…towards my first victim. She posted as (AN: I am making all these names up so IF I ACIDENTALY put your name it is ABSOLUTLY NOTHING PESRONAL!!!!) NarutoxSakura on the website and lived closest my current position. I moved quickly and stealthily so as not to have to deal with the local authorities (AN: not that he couldn't just kill them if he wanted but killing cops is not cool… unless their in the pay of the mafia and its Eliot Ness). I rounded the corner and saw my target. There was no mistaking her, my files had her posts and a picture next to them. Rage boiled up within me as I saw my first fangirl.

"Kage Bunshi No Jutsu," I chanted while I shaped my hands in the appropriate hand positions. My clones and I were about to pounce when I noticed something else move. Another girl about the same age came and walked alongside the first. I checked my files; IT WAS ANOTHER ONE, "So in my next fic I'm gonna have Naruto—" I didn't dare let her finish that statement, "RASENGAN!" I cried as I ran forward; my clones helping to apply chakra. I lunged forward and shoved the Rasengan into the girl's stomach. It blew a hole straight through her. I watched as blood began flying in a straight line with my attack, some covering me as I turned to the next fangirl. According to the files I possessed she posted as 'Narutogaylove' on the site. This was unforgivable!! She began running for her life. This caused my adrenalin levels to rise signifigantly, "DON'T YOU RUN FROM ME NOW!! COMMON NOW, YOU THINK YOU CAN REALLY OUTRUN ME?!!" I spat as I started sprinting after her. Again my clones applied my chakra to my hands, "RASENGAN!" I chanted once more shoving the ball of blue energy up the poor girl's ass but it didn't stop there; There was an explosion and all that was left was a pile of blood and rags, "How do you like me now bitch?! I can guarantee that what just happened to your ass was a hell of a lot better than what you had some people do to mine!" (AN: Berserk Abridged moment) My clones disappeared and I checked my files once more. Next was a Naruto/Sasuke fangirl. I read a short passage from one of her fics, "She is so fucking dead…" I muttered in a deadly whisper as I ran off toward the next fangirls location. This one met a similar fate to the two I had met and slaughtered before; a Rasengan to the throat this time. She died slowly, only managing to ask why. Again I set off, this time in search of a Choji/Ino fan when something rather unexpected happened; There was a massive explosion that shook the whole city, "WHAT THE HELL?!" I screamed in frustration and fear. That's when I heard it; the cry of fangirls all over the city. '_What the fuck is going on? I thought we were the only ones assigned to this state?'_ I thought as I began running in the direction of the screams. When I got to the scene of the attack, I couldn't believe my eyes; There, in the middle of the street, was Tenten using several kunai on another fangirl. When the fan-girl went down I heard Tenten yell, "THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR SAYING I'D FUCK LEE!!" She threw a shuriken at another fan-girl who had run out of the next house over. She went down, the sound of her gargling blood obvious. By now there were flames on the horizon giving everything a hellish glow. There were bodies littering the streets, I realized how bad it was when I stepped on one by accident. I raced to Tenten, "What the hell is going on here? I thought your team was assigned somewhere across the country!"

"We were. But the night before we left, Shikamaru decided to change the plan and alerted all teams to meet here. He thought that doing this would set an example then we can issue demands!" Tenten screamed, now breaking the neck of a fangirl called 'TENTENdoesNEJI'. I could feel a broad grin scrolling across my face, and I instinctively drew a kunai.

"ALRIGHT, LETS KILL ALL THESE MOTHER FUCKERS!! CHARGE!!!" I commanded while running toward the next address in my files, and more importantly towards one more victim.

Sakura's POV

(AN: THIS IS GONNA BE A SHORT POV (NO ONE LIKES SAKURA. Well actually she is pretty cool in Naruto Shippuden and while I mostly write about after the time skip in this story it worked better for her to be the old Sakura)

I rushed from the meeting place at top speed. I was determined to kill at least 10 fangirls an hour. (She didn't quite grasp how many fangirls there were yet) I soon realized that it was going to be like swatting flies. Finding the first victim's house, I broke in. (Thank god it was like 9 at night or this might have been a tad bit tough (KILL ALL WITNESESS)) after getting in, I went towards the fan-girl's room. There she was, sitting mindlessly staring her computer totally unsuspecting. Sakura pounced, "I WOULD ONLY FUCK LIKE THREE GUYS ON THAT SHOW!!!!" I screamed with conviction. I was abslutely enraged at how many pairings I was in. in fact I was so mad that when I hit the girls head it literally came off (AN: Ok so she's still got her Shippuden power punch thing… no sarcastic comments about this please). There was a fountain of blood coming from the girl's neck. I began breathing roughly, because I was, like I said, really mad. I looked on the girl's computer. She was logged on to '_Time to have some fun!' _I thought evilly. She removed all the fanfics the girl had written and put up one of her own, "HELLO Welcome to your worst nightmare. Starting tonight fangirls are going to die. We have all of your names, your faces and your addresses. We're coming for you. Demands will be issued to any of you that survive and you had best follow them or it's your ass that'll be next!" Looking proudly at my post, when all of sudden something unexpected happened; there was an explosion and the night was lit up by it. There were the shrill screams of fangirls dying all over the city. The flames on the horizon gave the world an evil glow. I grinned evilly. The great massacre had begun. I jumped out the window and looked to add another fangirl head to my now growing collection.

SAUKE POV

My first victims were waiting for me, just a block ahead of the meeting place. One of the girls pointed and said "Hey that's Sasuke from Naruto! God he is totally gay for—"

"LIKE HELL I AM!!" I erupted with frustration when I yelled, "CHIDORI!!!" I chanted, My hand flying all the way to the first girl's head. The body fell heavily to the ground. The others cried in terror as I quickly unsheathed my katana. I thrust it through one of the girl's throats, pulling it up through her head. The others began to run; I was not far behind them. I killed one with a quick stab to the heart, the other by cutting her legs off and then thrusting my katana into her forehead. Another one of the girls looked back and screamed at what she saw. I let her get ahead as I basked in the cool air of death. I grinned in such a way that Satan would have shuddered. I cut through a back yard pursuing her quietly. The girl had turned a corner and was still running down the street. She stopped and looked behind her. I loved watching the look on that pigs face; she seemed to be thinking, 'MABEY just MABEY he wasn't coming after her'. She stopped and bent down and panted for a little while. She was still trying to catch her breath; her face was priceless. She heard a noise down the street. She looked back the way she had come in. It was deserted. She turned to keep running but when she did… There I was, grinning sadistically while drilling holes through her heart with my deadly glare, "Boo," I said quietly. The girl turned the other way to run but then I sprang forth to kill her. I grabbed her and held her; she was facing away from me. I pressed the katana to her throat, "WHY?! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!!" she screamed wildly, "Cause I'm not… fucking… queer you **COWFUCKER!!!**" I said comely yet with conviction. The katana sliced cleanly through her throat. Her corpse fell at my feat. That's when the explosion hit. There was booming and screams echoed through the night. I ran to my next victim. I reached her and found her being dragged by her hair out of her house… by Kankuro, "What the hell are you doing here?" I asked confused, "Oh sorry, is this one of yours?" Kankuro asked throwing the fangirl irreverently at my feet. She looked up to me with tears in her eyes. My appearance must have been horrific while I stood; the flames to my back, the screams of fear caused by my hands, the sadistic grin that guarantied her death, my eyes glaring at her like the cold eyes of death staring at her… I then decided to finally take my final victim of the night, "CHIDORI!" I chanted. A new scream erupted into the night, fading as I watched her go down in cold blood.

The Next Day:

The man said "We interrupt your usual programming to bring you this special report. This was the scene a few hours ago, around twelve or one in the morning," On the screen appears an image of Lee using the primary lotis on Franny and then beating her unconscious head with his right fist. Then another clip appears showing Neji using his gentle fist and his Byakugan on a fangirl who vomited up blood as he struck her in the stomach. Another one appears of Kiba having Akamaru eat the head of one of the corpses. The next clip shows Shino shoving a cockroach up ones ass, and finally one of Hinata repeatedly bitch slapping Franny's corpse. The screen returned to the newsroom, "There is still chaos everywhere in the city as these Naruto cast members wage their private war against these poor fangirls. One must ask why all this senseless violence is occurring just because some young women are writing fanfiction that portrays the characters as 'gay' in some stories on Unfortunately, there seems to be no way possible to reason with them. Several negotiators have been sent in to negotiate, but apparrently none of them have survived. Cartoon Network is assuring all of America that it is in fact the Japanese version of the characters that are responsible for this massacre." One of the backstage crew came up to him and handed him a sheet of breaking news, "This just in; there are now several different anime casts inspired by the example of the Naruto cast that are migrating to our fare state. When asked what they intended to do here, all they had to say was 'Death to all fangirls'. We have received reports that the casts of Death Note, Ranma ½, and Neon Genesis Evangelion have started adding to the already rising death toll. Ladies and gentlemen of California, it is a time of grave da—WHAT THE HELL?!!" Sasuke and Gaara had burst into the room through the back door, which was now completely destroyed "DEATH TO FANGIRLS!" Sasuke raged while drawing forth his katana and charging forward. Gaara stood there as his sand began to gather, "FUNK COFFIN" (AN: SHIT! I meant "Desert Coffin") Gaara chanted as screams were heard and the camera was knocked over. Blood splattered everywhere. Static…'We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties'

To Be Continued…

AN: Well that was probably the bloodiest piece of fiction I've ever written. It was kinda like a bad Stephen King novel at parts. Well I hope you all enjoyed it (or at least I can expect lots of review (PERFERABLY POSOTIVE SUTFF) and so yeah… OH right some of you might be wondering why if I killed Franny in chapter 2 I killed her again in this chapter. Well simply she had become the Kenny character (On Franny's request!) So yeah. Hoped you liked, if not bitch to me in the least whiny way available. Thank You for reading, please Review

Jester666 & JT Jewels

Editor's note: I will hopefully do all of the chapters that involve Ranma. That's all I have to say. Thank you so much for reading this if you have, and I'll always be there to do any grammatical editing and such.

-JT Jewels

Another AN in response to Editor's Note: Ok everyone reading this. Regardless of whether or not you like this fic, read some of JT's stuff thy are fucking hilarious (and they don't offend anybody!) so yeah read and review um. Also I apologize for the delay The next chapter will be up tomorrow. Ty

Jester666 


	5. Day 2 the Den Hunt

"_If you liked it tell your friends. If not tell your enemies!" Help me spread the news of the most unholy fanfics of all time! R & R plz._

AN: Well this is probably going to be a short chapter but that is because I'm working on a deadline and that is hard to do. I am trying to update every night/day and since I go to school and all that crap that goes with it I barely get any time to write except at night. So basically the deadlines I've put on myself are making me upload a chapter right after I write it. In this same spirit I realize this is not edited for content (to keep me from fucking up real bad, you know I wouldn't want to offend anyone!) or for conventions (I can't spell worth shit and punctuation… huh good luck with that (I don't know why I have learned the rules before and all that I just never bothered to remember them)) Any how the point is I will have an edited version up as soon as it is done. Until then please just deal with this (it won't be TO bad). Also for all of my haters out there!!! I am giving you a great opportunity to bitch at me in this story. As such I need to address one issue. I have put lesbians in this … HOWEVER THERE ARE ABSOLUTLY NO LEMONS!!!!! I cannot stress this point enough. I don't particularly like lemons. Not because there is anything especially wrong with them (and occasionally you can get a good chuckle out of the premises) but some off them are just wrong (these include the following: Ed and Al from FMA (Franny I hate you for telling me about this….It's just EWWWWW), Itachi and Sasuke (EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW), and any other gay incest (or lesbian incest for that matter) (Oh Franny if you read this I would like to add the 'Twins against Twincest photo to this if I can get it from ya) Also any characters that were not originally gay. PLEASE DON"T MAKE THEM GAY( or lesbian). However if the characters are gay (or lesbians) already (or there sexual preference is not listed) then I have no problem with gayness or lesbianism. So the lesbian characters in this story are my own creation and also there is NO LEMONS!!!! I have them killed simply to as a metaphor so again NOT A GODDAMN LEMON!!!! Now if I were to write a lemon it would probably resemble my Shikamaru, Temari post (That is the one that shows how sex would really go between them). Even though this was not a lemon. Again I am not usually a lemon writer (in fact I've never written a lemon, and I don't intend to do one). So I have explained (in great detail) why I am not being a hypocrite here and why this is not a lemon. But hey read it yourself and you'll see.

TY

Jester666

Chapter 4

All of you will burn in HELL FOR YOUR CRIMES!!!!

The Second Day

"This is channel 6 action news. I'm your host Duechy MkTurd (AN: As you might have figured out I made up these names and this channel. Clearly I do not have a talent for names (or writing some of you probably think). We have entered day 2 of what the media is labeling 'The Great Fangirl Massacre'. This has got to be one of the bloodiest massacres in all of U.S history. With more anime castings joining this blood fest every day we are forced to the terrifying conclusion that this brutal gore fest cannot be stopped. The police, FBI, and US Marine Corps have all tried their hardest to subdue the great tide of slaughter. No attempt has been successful. Our own News room has been raided several times. Once by the Naruto cast members, once by L and Light from Death Note, Once by the entire cast of Inuyasha, and once by the cast of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumyia. At least 20 of our staff have been killed. And that is only a small percentage of the total death count. You cannot walk down the street without stepping on corpses, or hearing the screams of a dying fangirl. My own car was hit by a Molotov cocktail this morning. Still no way of reasoning with these infuriated anime characters has been found. The president has declared a state of emergency and is urging everyone to stay indoors and arm yourselves. However I don't know what locks can do against NINJAS. FOR CHRIST SAKE PEOPLE, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!! JUST RUN WHILE YOU STILL FKING CAN—"

Static…

Team Kakashi's POV. (Not in 1st person like last time. I don't think I'll do that again (not that I don't like it it's just easier to describe it from 3rd person. Though kudos to JT for the idea and the editing it like that))

Kakashi looked back down the street as his latest victim fell down to the ground a kunai protruding from her eye. Kakashi saw a herd of fangirls all running and screaming trying desperately to get away. There must've been 20 in this crowd alone, '_Perfect' _thought Kakashi as he made a few hand gestures, "SUMMONING NO JUSTSU!" Kakashi yelled. His pack of ninja dogs all pounced at the fangirls taking most of them down. Kakashi signaled to his team to attack. Naruto and Sasuke appeared at the other end of the street, blocking the only escape route. The two ninjas continued to close in on the horde, killing three that tried to escape their impenetrable wall of death. Sakura appeared behind the group, killing fan-girls as she approached the front of the girls that were left. She continued to kill all that managed stopped and came her direction before running into the impossible barrier that was Sasuke and Naruto. Anyone in between these three sentinels were kill without mercy. Meanwhile Kakashi finished off those left behind by his ravaging beasts. Soon the street was a river of crimson, littered with corpses. Smells of rotting flesh and blood was beginning to infest the city. Copious amounts of corpses in the streets, some in numerous other areas, and the many other appendages found on the ground began to make things Closter phobic, "So I guess we should move on to more victims then, uh?" asked Naruto with an oily voice. The fangirls once realizing they had no hope of being saved, began making colonies… of… sorts… The colonies were simple groups of up to fifty fangirls or so (they sought safety in numbers… boy they have never faced Ninjas!) they would hide in basements and cower. Until the Byakugan found them, then the blood frenzy ensued. So far, since they'd discovered these colonies, they annihilated ten groups, "Ok let's find Hinata or Neji, then we'll look for the next one." Kakashi suggested. They began their search. It was about two blocks before they found Team Guy, "Yo Neji, go find us a new den would ya!?" Naruto asked, "Oh it's you Kakashi… So how many have you gotten so far!?" Guy-Sensei asked curious to know, (HE IS NOT GAY WITH LEE! FOR CHRIST SAKE HE'S LIKE THE BOY'S FATHER WOULD YOU DO YOUR DAD… I DIDN'T THINK SO!)) "Hmm did you say something?" Kakashi asked absorbed in his copy of _Make Out Paradise_, "DAMN YOU AND YOUR COOLNESS KAKASHI!!!" Guy-Sensei screamed in frustration, "So…Neji…about that den?" Sakura asked a little impatiently, "Right—BYAKUGAN!" the veins surrounding Neji's eyes bulged. (AN: I realize that the Byakugan probably could not do this but I needed something and Sharingan would not work.) Neji then spotted his goal, "Bingo!" he cheered. "You'll find a den at the other end of that street. Orochimaru and Spike Spiegel from Cowboy Bebop are busy raiding the next house so you can't miss it" (AN: Little English Dub Joke. If you don't get it don't ask. "A Joke's never funny if you have to explain it" Great Joker quote!) Team Kakashi set off down the street. They saw the house with Orochimaru's big ass snake beating its head against the side and driving out a ass load of fangirls. They went into the next house over, "Ok break, search the house; if you find the den yell." Kakashi commanded, "No need Kakashi-Sensei," implied Naruto, "Kage Bunshi No Jutsu!" Naruto chanted. He sent each clone to search each floor. They waited for a few seconds before hearing several cries of fangirls from the basement followed by Naruto's voice screaming "I found you bitches! Now you can go fuck yourselves!!"

"Basement it is!" Sasuke yelled triumphantly as they all charged. They reached the basement. There were only fifteen or so fan-girls there, but that was enough to have some fun. Each one of the shinobi took a couple of fangirls and attacked. Naruto performed Rasengan the first one. He then drew a kunai and took the next one. The girl fell when the shirukan tacked to her face. He looked over his shoulder as he slaughtered the last one with an Uzumaki Barrage. Only two fangirls remained and it was Sakura's turn to have some fun. One of the girls looked over at the other and said desperately, "I have always loved you… Just like Sakura and Ino have in our fic…" (AN: Blues Brothers joke!!) that was all Sakura needed to hear before going sick house on their asses, "DIE YOU FUCKING DYKES!!!" Sakura screamed (AN: I never refer to lesbians as 'dykes' unless they're man hating feminists. Then they're dykes. Otherwise I love lesbians (not just in a sexual way you sick fuckers)) She unleashed a mighty kick in the throat of the girl that had been talking. The sickening crack of vertebra was audible as the girls head snapped backwards. The girl next to her shrieked in fear as Sakura brought her hands down to the girls head. She grabbed her chin and viciously broke her neck. She joined her 'Lover' on the floor.

To Be Continued…

AN: Well like a said kinda a shorter chapter (not as short as I thought it would be). I would like to say that next chapter SHOULD be a special Ranma ½ chapter by JT… hope you all like it (If he takes to long with it I'll continue posts as normal). It will be considered kind of a mid series OVA. A special if you will. Any ways hope you liked. After the Ranma I will skip ahead a few days and get to some more interesting stuff. Uhh that covers almost everything… OH right the next chapter (as it is being written by JT) might take longer than a day (though I doubt it) but I can't control his schedule. TY to all my fan readers (if I have any) and ty for the read to my haters (if I have any (doubt I have either yet)).

TY

Jester666 & JT Jewels


	6. The Thousand Deaths of Franny

NOT EVEN GONNA BOTHER TO HAVE THIS EDITED!

AN: So I was watching Naruto Shippuden. And I just got to the part where Kakashi and Guy-Sensei are breaking into Akatski's base where Gaara (of the Funk!(Naruto Abridged Moment)) is being held and I realized something. There is a great issue that I have not yet addressed. Oh sure the fangirl thing is big, but there is something that I believe to be the downfall of this anime. I am speaking of course of the filler. The filler was discovered for Naruto in the Zabuza Saga (this is also when they discovered that flash backs help extend the series). Before this time the filler was kept to a minimal (if it was even included in the series at all). After this the filler became a constant. The few episodes when things happened were spread in between these mock episodes. I still hate fillers… but I have discovered a good use for them. Unfortunately we have experienced a deadline problem. As it looks right now JT will not be able to finish the chapter in time for my harsh schedule (MUAHAHA I am and evil slave driver!). And so I had this little chapter planned in case of this. That is right!!! our very own filler chapter. So (since Franny enjoys being killed in my fics so much) I present, to my loyal readers (and those of you just joining us) The Thousand Deaths of Franny! (not literally a thousand deaths.)

TY

Jester666

Chapter 5: The Filler:

The Thousand Deaths Of Franny.

"Hey what the hell, how come we gotta do this filler crap even in a FANFIC???" Naruto asked in his complaining voice.

"Because dumbass the writers planed to do a special but they had a deadline problem so they threw this together. Stop whining and just say the goddamn lines!" Sasuke said

"Alright! Jesus! In extremely well rehearsed voice Alright gang are we all ready to get that fangirl?" Naruto said

"Yes indeedy. I am quite ready to partake of this fangirl slaughter," said Sasuke reading from a script.

"Ok lets go!!!" Naruto said again in that voice.

"Golly this is gonna be keen… WHAT THE FUCK?!!? WHO THE HELL WROTE THIS PIECE OF CRAP!?!?! I ANIT READING THIS!! FUCK THIS!" Sasuke said tearing up the script.

"Yeah I have to agree. This blows… really badly. I mean what the hell Jester I thought you usually had a standard for writing." (AN: DUDE NARUTO SHUT THE FUCK UP I THREW THIS TOGETHER IN LITERALY 5 MINUTES! Shit man you think I'm gonna spend that long working on a filler? It could have been worse.)

Really, how?" Naruto asked. (AN: Well I could have made you chase a fangirl the whole episode and never make any progress. Then I might have thrown in some flash backs, just to fill up pages.)

"Yeah that's true! Oh or you could have done the worst one ever. Put me right in the middle of a fight, and then have me flash back till the end of the episode. Then the fans have to wait a whole fucking week before the fight happens… OR SO YOU THINK. Because when you finally get to the next episode a kind of 'pre fight' fight happens and then more flash backs and your like 'WTF'," Naruto explained. (AN: Oh yeah I hate that. Oh you know what's even worse? When to characters keep up a dialogue that is often unnecessary to the story, probably lame, and really redundant (wink))

"Yeah I hate that!" Sasuke said bursting in on the conversation.

"Ok so since the script sucks rat nuts that have been in a giraffe's mouth (AN: DON'T ASK HOW I CAME UP WITH IT), what should we do for this chapter?" Sakura asked. (AN: Good question Woman who is PMSing constantly and if were real would kick my ass for saying so, I don't know what we should do…)

"We could always do another me killing hordes of fangirls in a bloody and mostly disgusting fashion." Sasuke put in hopefully.

"Nah… Let's go find the cast of One Piece and make fun of them for sucking so bad!" (AN: seriously I couldn't even make it through 2 episodes!) Naruto said. (AN: We could always just kick the crap out of Franny, and kill her repeatedly!)

"SAY!!! Now there is an idea!" Naruto said. "Though I still wanna make fun of One Piece." (AN: We can do that to!)

"YEA!!!!!!"

A Few Minutes Later

"Here Franny, Franny, Franny," Naruto called out.

"Dude no one is that stupid. Think about it there are shinobi everywhere killing fangirls. Do you really think one of them is going to just walk up to us?" Sasuke asked. Ironically at this point Franny came running right past them in a desperate attempt to get away from Misa-Misa who was holding a dagger and Ryuk.

"Hey! Do you guys mind if we can kill her? I promise you can kill her next?" Naruto asked Misa.

"No this bitch is mine. She said Light was gay! And that I was annoying character that added nothing to the story!" Misa screamed furiously. (AN: Dude Misa, Light is totally a fag hell his last name (Yagami) spelled backwards is I'm a gay (seriously try it yourselves). Not just that but Kira is kinda a sucky character in the first place. And even just looking at his good side, (without any other complaints) he doesn't even look slightly aroused when he is looking at porn. I mean come on. NO MAN WOULD LOOK LIKE THAT WHILE LOOKING AT PORN. I repeat NO man, I don't care who he is, looks like that while watching porn, unless he's gay. Also while he might sleep with you later in the series you are (supposedly) a hot woman. No fucking way is he not gonna leap at the opportunity to sleep with you. Dose he? NOOOOOOOOO! Also you don't add anything to the show, and you are annoying. Basically no one loves you go away.)

"Ok…" Misa said hanging her head and walking away.

"What about me?" Ryuk asked. (AN: Nah your cool. Your actually critical to the plot.) "Oh Kick ASS!" Ryuk said flying away.

"Now Franny…" Naruto said, grinning evilly as he turned to face her. "We need a filler… So prepare to DIE!" Franny screamed and ran. Sasuke took her down her with a shirukan to the back. She fell to the ground (still breathing). They slowly advanced. Naruto drew a kunai as they approached. Sasuke pulled his shirukan from her back. They flipped her over.

"DIE!" Naruto yelled driving his kunai into her stomach. Sasuke used the Chidori and hit her straight in the heart. Now it was Sakura's turn and she kneed Franny in the head.

"PWNED BITCHES!!!" Sakura yelled. They walked away. A few minutes later they saw something unusual. Franny was walking down the street when all of a sudden she spontaneously burst into flames. She ran around screaming before falling to the ground and burning to a handful of ashes. They began walking again. Soon they saw Franny again running this time from Shinji of Evangelion. She was booking it when the Eva stepped on her. She lay there dying in the giant footprint. Naruto and the gang walked passed. Soon again they saw Franny this time being dropped off a building by Greed from FMA. As Team Kakashi walked back to the place they were staying they saw Franny die several more times.

"Well, I think this was a good filler," Naruto said in a satisfied manner.

"Yeah I felt as though we did absolutely nothing while still appeasing all the readers." Sakura added.

"Well Until next time every body!" Naruto said smiling.

To Be Continued…

AN: Ok so that was my filler. Hope you liked. I will be getting that Ranma Chapter up soon. I realize this is a Naruto fic… but well JT is a great Ranma writer so I'm looking forward to the next chapter. If he still doesn't have it tomorrow or the day after I'll just continue the story until he gets it done. To that end I will begin taking requests for ideas. I have an idea where this is going, and I already have all the last chapters in my head but I am very indifferent as to how we get there. So if you have a good idea, just tell me and I'll try to do a chapter on it. It will lengthen the story a couple of chapters probably, and might be interesting. And hell if you don't have any ideas for stories if you can think of ways to kill Franny that I (or she) hasn't thought of then please tell me. So yeah review the whole story (and this chapter I suppose) as I said last time "If you liked it tell your friends, and if you didn't like it tell your enemies". Tell anyone you meet I don't care. I just want to get people to read it. Or if you don't want to spread the story at least spread the message. Tell all you meet of the anoyaty (I don't think that's a word) of some fangirls and there DAMN GAY SEX!!!!!

Yet again Ty for the R&R

Jester666 


	7. The Ranma Episode Yeah good luck

Disclaimer: Neither me (JT Jewels) nor Jester666 have ownership over or right to the characters used in this fic. They belong to their appropriate creators. We _do _however own any characters that we come up with.

Hello blood fans! Welcome to another bloody yet funny tale from 'How Many People Want to Kick Some Ass?', and today we feature the cast of Ranma going absolutely ape-shit on the fan-girls!! Now normally I wouldn't write a deathly violent piece, but in order to properly follow the direction of the storyline, I _have _to make it somewhat nasty. I will however make the violence tasteful and make it as comical as you can make violence. This is, as I've said, not exactly my forte, but because I'm trying to please my friend Jester and you fans, I'm going to make it flow best I can. Anyways, thank you to anyone who's read this, that means you Shadowcat (Sahdowcat?), and redsnake15. You too Black Haiyate. Anyways, on with the fic!!

Ranma had sneaked into Nabiki's bedroom just a few minutes ago, and was now snooping on her brand new laptop. He was amazed by it. Then he found the internet. Things were really interesting now. When he looked into the favorites file, he found an icon labeled This seemed interesting to him. When he looked at it, he found that there was an anime & manga section. He clicked in and found his name. He found a bunch of different links to different stories that were all about him and all the others. However when he read, he found most of them had made him fall in love with a guy character. As he read more, he found that some of them had him having _gay sex _with them!! Now he was _pissed!!_ He ran downstairs, not even bothering to unplug the wires protruding from the computing device, "Everyone listen up!! Hey!!!" No one looked in his general direction. Then Nabiki noticed that Ranma had somehow gotten his grubby mitts on her most prized possession, "Yo Ranma, what do you think you're doing goin' around with my laptop?" she asked with an acid tone, "You'll understand when you've looked." Ranma showed Nabiki the fics, and she found that she was being made a bitch to not just Ranma, but to almost all of the other male _and _female characters, "Everyone _listen up!!" _this got everyone's attention, "Look at these stories! You're all going to want to kill the people that did this…" and indeed Nabiki had been right. Akane was the worst next to Ranma. Kasumi after that. Boy that was a bad sign. If it weren't for her kindness of heart and other kindly attributes, she would have been a ravenous beast raging for the taste of warm Fan-girl blood. However she managed to stay somewhat sober and oblivious to the situation. The rest of the group, now including the fiancées and rivals, had officially exploded when they'd found out about these fics. They were thinking something along the lines of what they were seeing on the news lately; killing fangirls that wrote gay stories. So, they went to California to fulfill their desires… _heh heh!!_

The next day was calm and breezy; nothing really special happening in this part of California. However there was a group of Japanese peoples, all from Nerima; their names? Well, I won't give you their names, but the group they had formed is called the 'Nerima Wrecking Crew' (NWC). Soon to be called Nerima's Fan-girl Killing Crew (NFKC). The small group consisted of Ranma, Ryoga, Ukyo, Shampoo, Mousse, Tatewaki and Kodachi. Hopposai was there too, and he was already making haste by stealing panties and drawing the girls out. Now was their time to get revenge… Ranma sprinted to his first victim using the 'Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken'. The girl was slowly beaten to the point where all the bones in her body were broken and her limbs mangled. She died of suffocation and blood loss. Ranma's next Victim was only a few blocks away from him. He jumped high in the air, and landed on the girl. He had latched on to her, and he hit the same pressure points that he would on Hinako. The girl fell to the ground helpless. He stared into the girls Sapphire blue eyes, boring holes through her very soul, "You dare write fanfiction in which I am portrayed as gay?! You will never understand suffering until you have experienced this!!" With that he performed Amaguriken again. When the girl looked up at him begging for mercy, he only replied coldly, "You don't deserve to live if all you do is waste life on something that'll get you killed."

"B-b-but i-its… Fan… fiction…" the girl collapsed dead on the pavement. Meanwhile Akane had taken out an entire horde of about ten. When she had finished, she moved on to more victims. By now the whole seaside was in an uproar over the brand new disturbance. The Kunos had already killed off about twenty of the girls, the other individuals killing two or three each. After an hour they'd cleared an area of about five miles. The streets were a sea of blood and the mangled limbs that followed were like driftwood. The bodies were strewn about all of creation as they seemed to color the tapestry of death that was now central California. Some of the girls were naked, all because Happosai had a strange new necrophilia fetish. This scared the living shit out of the entire group… all but _one_. Ranma had found it fun to also play hacky-sack with the heads of the fangirls. Ryoga joined in with him. Shampoo was devising plans to poison the girls, and then find a way to cook them afterwards… common, she's an Amazon! They're taught to survive with what's left. In other words, CANIBALISM. Anyways, Ukyo had taken to building herself a new Okonomiaki shop somewhere within the five mile radius that they managed to cover. As for Kodachi and Tatewaki? Well, Kodachi ended up drawing faces on all of the dead bodies while Kuno… well, lets just say he took Hopposai's fetish to a whole new and sick level… (AN: (puking) uhhhggg…. I think I went a _little _too far on that one… oh Christ I think that's my liver…) Akane was now pondering the reaches of her own anger… and boy that was a scary thought for her, because she was realizing that just to say that she was a dyke in a fic was far enough for her to go kill the fan-girls in the hundreds. That thought scared her. Then she realized that if Ranma hadn't approved of it he would have stopped her somehow… wait, what the fuck was she thinking?! That idiot would only manage to say 'What're you doin' tomboy?' then let her go. (AN: We all know that Akane is really just compensating for something… no wait, that's Kuno… ssscary!!) anyhoo, as soon as they had gotten bored for a while, some news choppers came in and some reporters and camera crews came out. The reporter was talking to someone on a wire while the camera crews were setting up. By the next few minutes the camera crews had set up and now were getting ready for shooting. The reporter stood in front of the camera, where the camera man counted fingers, "Yes Daniel this is one hell of a scene down here, as characters from yet another popular anime and manga series, 'Ranma ½', is said to have massacred all 'Fan-girls' within a five mile radius. The scene before you is only a small portion of what has really been done. As you can plainly see, this incident is yet another example; encouraged by the original outbreak of violence a few days ago by the cast of the hit anime and manga series 'Naruto'. We have spoken to some of the characters, and we have gotten footage showing some of the violence in action," the camera shows Ranma killing the girl with the Amaguriken, commenting on how she wasted her life writing something that would get her killed, "And there you have it, the main character himself, sending a message and a warning to those who have not yet been killed. Run while you can, that is all we can say. From Channel six news, I'm asian reporter Trisha Takanawa, reporting live from the beach, back to you Daniel." When the report is done, Ranma runs up from behind the reporter, knocks her out, and then kicks the camera man in the head taking the camera with him. "Hey guys, I think we could do some damage with this!"

"How so, foul sorcerer?"

"Kuno, I might listen to you if you would stop raping the corps…"

"Why how dare you accuse me of rape—"

"Well then what's this Kuno?!" Ranma makes gyrating motions with his hips, and bending over as if he's humping something while moaning, "That is crude and uncalled for Saotome…"

"Kuno I'm not the one that's performing sick acts with a goddamn corps!!"

"Sick acts? I merely bless the souls with my acts."

"Kuno when did you go get fucked up in the head?! You just basically violated a dead body with your one inch cock!"

"You dare say I'm inadequate?!!"

"Well you've obviously been trying to compensate with Akane, but that just doesn't work… no honey no!! That just ain't right!!!"

"… Did you call me 'Honey' Saotome?"

"You've never watched Robin Williams Live on Broadway obviously or you would get the joke."

"It matters not. I have simply blessed the soul of the young woman that I bestowed my greatness upon."

"That makes no sense and by the way, have you heard the song that goes, 'Ohhh Take your finger outta' my ass because I'm leavin' you behind'?"

"No. You have gone too far with this 'Robin Williams' quoting."

"… Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken!!!" Ranma proceeded to knock Kuno the fuck out. "Now then, here's the plan. We're going to send a message to all of the people across California."

"And you propose we do this by using the camera?"

"You've got something there Mousse. That's part of what we're going to do. However we've got to blackmail the channel six news people. What we'll do is we'll use the wire on the news reporter over there and we'll go from there."

"Alright!" Cheered the group.

"Welcome to Channel Six news, I'm Daniel Johnson and this is the evening news at six o' clock. In breaking news, the outbreak of violence throughout California has now spread to the coasts. We have a live report from earlier today from our asian reporter Trisha Takanawa." The screen goes to the footage of the scene with Trisha at the beach, "And—wait, there seems to be more footage," it goes to Ranma, "Hello state of California, I'd like to announce that Fan-girls in Southern California ought to be runnin' for their lives, cause' we're heading there next! By the way, I'd also like to warn those out there that are just finding out, tell your friends, tell your parents, tell your brothers and sisters! The carnage will never end until you have agreed to never write fics of us male characters taking it up the ass from each other!! We will continue to Ravage this state until the agreement is made… So, see ya!"

"Ladies and gentlemen of California, we can only pray now that—What the fu—" Ranma and Ryoga had broken into the news room and annihilated it entirely. Now all that was left were dead bodies and rubble. The camera had tipped over and this was the image:

…Static…

There we go. That's a chapter that speaks for itself. Bloodier n' fuck but oh well! At least there was some comedy in there. Like I said a couple of times before, writing a violent fic is not my forte. Comedy is. I can make people laugh. Anyways, I'm sorry if this took a while, but I wanted to make sure the fic was long enough and that it was entertaining. Anyways, for those of you that don't already realize this I, JT Jewels, wrote this chapter. Yup! That's right peoples, I wrote this chapter! Anyhoo, I'd also like to suggest reading my other fics, like 'Ranma's New Sister' and 'Inuyasha, Grove Street OG at Your Service'. Those are some good ones. Well, I hope you enjoyed the fic and I'd like to encourage those who have read the story so far to stick around for more laughs. I might do the Inuyasha chapters too. Listen, if the series is by Rumiko Takahashi, I'll do it. Other than that, I'll do the other series too. But that's only the ones I know. Well, see ya!

-JT Jewels


	8. A New Plot

AN: Well I'm late (and I apologize) but I am back and posting this new installment in the epic tale of How Many People Wanna Kick Some ASS. Have you ever heard the song Santa Clause is coming to town? Well guess what the PLOT is coming to town. I realize that up till this point there has been a vague plot at best. There has been an excellent theme, but a good theme dose not a good fanfiction make. So JT and I have worked out a descent plot that I think all of you can be satisfied with. I already knew where I wanted the story to go (as I have said) but how to get it there has been difficult. This story has kinda surprised me though. I have just let the characters go doing there own thing. And so far I have liked the results, so it might be awkward for me at first writing a planed out plot. I will still let the characters handle the obstacles their own way, so lets try it. I still am excepting any ideas for chapters, or ways to kill Franny. Also in this will be a brief appearance (CAMIOS) by several of my favorite characters in anime. Alucard from Hellsing (damn you fangirls for what you've done to this show!) and Jirou from Black Blood Brothers (you fangirls haven't sunck your fucking fangs into this one yet (THANK GOD). Well as far as I know). Any way just thought I'd mention that. This chapter is going to end up being short at it is kinda the start to part 2 or The Alliance Arc as I call it. The next arc after this will be open for ideas. If we don't get any well than we'll finish it up. Also I am announcing an OVA (can't think of anything g else to call them) series that I will be posting. It will be under DBZ so look for that. I don't know when I'll get to it but I'll try to do it as this story progresses.

_-Bane of Anime, They Name is Fangirl._

TY

Jester666

Chapter Whatever the fuck Chapter I'm on

A New Plot:

Naruto was running through the streets. He was looking for a den. They had heard rumors of one nearby. It was odd though because the rumors had come from an un-known source. This was odd. The shinobi had heard the rumor from the cast of Pokemon who had heard it from Digimon who had heard it from… well that was the thing. No one knew. It was supposed to be a den far bigger than any they had ever seen. All of the anime's in the city were looking for it. Naruto had been at it for only a little while (an hour or so) when he saw some people taking a less subtle approach. Alucard and Jirou were tearing apart a house (literally) and sending the fangirls inside running for their pathetic little lives. Then Alucard shot two in the back while Jirou took out the others with his katana. Blood was flying every where (horror anime style)! Naruto walked right past without even noticing. Such scenes were common in the city as more and more anime's joined the massacre. Naruto though was no longer happy with these small fry's he wanted to get a den that had hundreds of fangirls in it. He was looking for the ULTIMATE FANGIRL KILLING SPREE!!!!

He continued to look around the city until the meeting time. Everyday at a certain time the Naruto Shinobi would gather to recount the days work. Naruto ran off to meet the other members of team Kakashi. When he met up with them they began to walk back to the meeting spot, while sharing stories of the day.

"So you guy's see any sign of it?" Naruto asked.

"No. Not a damn thing. I think it's all some bullshit. There is no way the fangirls would be stupid enough to have a central den."

Meanwhile in Fangirl Central

"What should we do. It's only a matter of time before they realize." A voice said from the shadows of a darkly lit room. The room was odd. It was circular and lacked to much decoration. It had a stadium like seating arrangement on the walls. The seats got higher and higher and the highest were almost at the ceiling. The seats were built as part of the walls and it looked exactly like every creepy evil council you see in anime.

"It is also only a matter of time before they fall into our trap!" Said another voice parallel the original speaker.

"Silence all of you. They will not live long enough to find out this council's secrete." Said a voice at the top of the room.

"But they get closer to us every day. This trap we have placed brings them nearer to us and if they should escape it…"

"That is why we have plan B!"

"I suppose…"

"Hush!" said the voice at the top. "I have just received word. Team Kakashi is in position. Our trap has been sprung!" EVIL LAUGHTER

Back with Team Kakashi

"So I say we just go on like we usually do and kill whatever stragglers we find!" Sasuke said. "Then if they start to move across the country like Shikamaru said they should lead us right to more fangirls! Not to mention the fact that they will probably travel in a group and will pick up more along the way. Then we can just finish one large group of them whenever we want!"

"I don't know… I mean if there is a giant den then that might give us…" But Sakura never finished her thought as just then a grenade soared through the air. It landed right in front of them.

"Oh crap!" Kakashi said. The grenade began to emit gas.

"Crap quikly everyone cover your mouths and run!" Kakashi yelled. They all ran out of the smoke only to find… About 20 armed men with big ass guns.

"Rasengan!" Naruto yelled charging forward. "What the hell?" he stopped. The Rasengan hadn't worked. Nothing had happened. Naruto was taken with a dart to the neck and he went down. The the rest of Team Kakashi was taken down while trying to use their respective jutsu.

"Son of a bitch…." Kakashi said his last words trailing off.

Later at the Fangirls Central Hideout

"What the hell just happened?" Sasuke asked getting up off the hard cold stone floor he had been on.

"Did someone get the number of that bus?" said a bleary voice from the floor next to Sasuke.

"Naruto? Dude what happened to us?"

"WELCOME!" Team Kakashi" cried the voice of a person whose face was hidden in shadows just outside the mesh cage that they were in. "Welcome to The Fangirl Queen Hive!"

TO BE CONTINUED… (CLIFF HANGER Y'ALL!)

AN: Ok like I said short. But I was behind and all that good crap and I needed an intro chapter. Sorry about the fact that it is not edited but like I said I'm a little over worked these days. Any who… I will get an edited version up as soon as I talk wit JT. Oh yeah these next few chapters are going to be heavy plot as Team Kakashi finds the hidden truth behind fandoms. The stuff _THEY _don't want you to know. All that good stuff SO saty tuned next chapter will be up tomorrow (HOPEFULLY) and then the secret behind the Fangirl Queens will be discovered. Oh and the gas was supposed to be a anti-jutsu gas.

TY

Jester666


	9. The short abomination

AN: Ok to start this off the dedication. This chapter is dedicated to all conspiracy buffs. Thank you so much for inspiring me for this. This is unfortunately again going to be a short ass chapter. I am sorry but working at 10 at night is not the most fun thing to do (especially when I have to get up at 6 tomorrow) so sorry for it's breifness. I would just like to thank everyone for your comments and such again "If you like it tell your friends… and if ya don't tell your enemies." Oh yes and JT and I MIGHT!!! Be making an animated version of the first chapter. I don't know but we have a plan for it and we hope to get started this weekend. If we do it'll probably be posted on newgrounds or something. I will announce it when (IF) we get it up. Alright thank you for your understanding and to all those of you who want a long chapter I'm sorry. I'll try to write these earlier in the day next time.

TY

Jester666

Chapter 7 (I think):

The Queen of the Fangirls:

Naruto was in shock. _HOW!?! _He thought as he stared at the shadowy figures in front of him. _How the hell did they catch us!?!?! _The answer was simple really the same way an generic villain dose anything; takes away the main characters powers in some mysterious way that usually doesn't make sense, until half way through the series when we discover something wired about the main character and the villain and we're all like "OH SNAPS" and their like "That's right didn't see that coming did you. Yes us Japanese are the masters of plot twists. Just watch any of our shows/movies!" then there is always the sinister laugh and (AN: GTE THE FUCK ON WITH THE STORY!!!!) Ok jesus Christ. Anyway… where the hell was I? (AN: You gotta be friekin kidding me right!?!? You don't even remember where you were?) Dude shut the hell up your writing it. Quit Bitching! … Anyway. OH right so Naruto is in the cage… clears throat ok.

"Who the hell are you people?" Naruto asked.

"Us. We are the Queen Fangirls. We write the most annoying fics on the wb! We are the secret controllers of Yes we are the brain behind all the gay moments… We are the sickest most perverted, and most uncreative fangirls ever!" The leader cried stepping from the shadows. She was short with dyed pink hair and that annoying valley girl air about her. She was smiling her evil fangirl smile of doom!

"Welcome Naruto to the center of Suspenseful music!

To Be Continued…

AN: Ok when I said short I usually don't mean this short. I mean I personally hate people who post chapters that are a few sentences long (like this one) and I apologize I will post 2 chapters tomorrow (of sutible if not longer than average length) to make up for this. I apologize again. I wanted to end with a very small cliff hanger which at the same time introduced our main villain and her evil plot. That is right She is the Queen of the Fangirls. She leads the council of Fandoms which is what we saw earlier. I wrote this chapter mostly as a gag on cliff hangers though that was it's main point. It was kinda another filler. So sorry but I like tomake good on the everyday post thing. I'm gonna try a new thing where I write the next days chapter the day before. That might help. Sorry it's not edited but I just sent a copy to JT so hope to have that out soon. KK! 

TY

Jester666


	10. Escape from Hell

AN: Hello my benevolent and forgiving fans, I would like to apologize for the delay in my stories publishedness. I realize that I should have finished these a few days ago and here are some makeup chapters as an apology. I am sorry for this and I ask that you not through things at your computer whenever I'm late on things. I have a shit ton of work to do as the term is almost over so there are going to be times when I am going to be late. This was an extreme though as I was literally swamped with 1) a messy house, 2) a bunch of work, 3) a rash o my… uh…. Yeah. So to all the people who were pissed about the shortnesity of the last chapter… Deal with it for now cause I'm about to go like… Well lets just say that if the plot were in DBZ it would be about to go super sayian (hopefully without the filler) so just deal with it for now. So let us begin the next chapter in our epic tale of How Many People Want to Kick Some ASS. Right after I finish doing my laundry  . OH I would also like to point out that while I was writing this… I was listening to a song called Lotion. It's about Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs… So yeah… It might show in my writing.

TY

Jester666

How Many People Wanna Kick Some ASS

Chapter 10: The Epic Chapter that is so good it doesn't need a good name, but if you want one I'll call it… The Escape form the Hive

The unit that had captured Team Kakashi were pissed. They couldn't believe they had been so stupid. They had taken work from fucking FANGIRLS!!! No wonder they had yet to be paid. Jesus Christ… I mean they had said they had the money but… Hold the phone. They were being approached by the council. At their head was the Queen.

"Where the fuckin' hell is our money?" The leader of the unit asked.

"Oh don't be so stingy," the Queen said in her high pitched girly and annoying voice (you know, the fangirl voice).

"You said we'd get paid a shit ton… Now where is it?" he asked, in a less than pleasant voice.

"Ok well you demand payment? You will get your just payment!" she said in a dangerous voice. "Show them girls."

All the men in the unit looked on in horror as the wall opened to reveal a screen that was bigger than most movie theater screens. On the screen was hope you like it… We gave you your own section… just read some of these great fics." The Queen said smiling evilly as she spoke. They clicked on the first one. It was all about a gay orgy. Most of the men on the squad died of a combination of shock and horror right in the spot. The head and a few others managed to just look on in horror.

"You evil… sadistic little… HOW THE HELL COULD YOU!!!???" He screamed raising his automatic and firing. "DIE YOU BITCHES!!!" He screamed. He would avenge every single one of his men who had died from this betrayal.

"Oh look at that girls… The silly man thinks that we weren't smart enough to put bullet proof glass between us and them. Go you stupid, pathetic, little creature how the hell do you think we survive the crappiness of the fics? Do you think even we are immune?" She said towering over him.

"Then… Why?" He asked.

"Simple… We enjoy it. We enjoy pissing off the entire population of not retarded anime watchers out there. Hell if we didn't get a good kick out of it do you think we would bother with those unholy things? I mean sure there are the fangirls out there who ENJOY it… but their kinda weird. Us we just enjoy it. Why do you think we created YOU?!!?"

"Oh not just us here… There are fangirls in the White House. We run the whole nation of fangirls from here. We are strategically placed in all the important places. These agents insure our continued existence."

"This can't be… it's like a horrible conspiracy theory about secret societies."

"We are the mother of all these secret societies. The Skull and Bones, The Free Masons. All these are just branch offs of us. All owe their allegiances to the great and ancient society of The Council of Fangirls!" She finished sinisterly. All the time she had been talking fangirls had been advancing on the remainder of the unit.

"Captain look out!" one nameless soldier who is probably going to be sacrificed to make the main characters seem more important and badass, yelled. The captain turned just in time to see a fangirl, eyes glowing red and fangs glistening (AN: yess I compared fangirls to vampires… Deal with it… They kinda are), leaping toward him. He brought up his gun and shot her. She screamed as she was taken down.

"RUN!!!" the captain yelled as he began sprinting toward the nearest exit. The rest of the survivors followed, so did the fangirls. They swarmed down the hall after them. It was like scene from a crappy horror movie. The guy who was last in line turned and fired while yelling over his shoulder "GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!" The captain turned to see him shooting every fangirl he could as he screamed "DIE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!!" That was before he was taken down by one fangirl. Soon there were hundreds on top of him, all trying to suck his soul out (AN: Yes fangirls eat souls. That is how they thrive. If you meet one in a darkened alley… RUN!!!)

"NOOOOO, NAMELESS SOLDIER #5, NOOO!" screamed the captain.

"THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO NOW CAPTAIN. COME ON WE GOTTA RUN!" yelled Nameless Soldier #2.

"BUT…"

"DO YOU WANT HIS SACRIFICE TO BE IN VAIN????!!!"

"Your right… let's go…" the captain said. They ran as hard and as fast as they could.

"Look… There!" (this is Nameless Soldier #3)

"I see it!" the captain said. There in front of them was a door, a prison door by the look of it. It was made of solid steel and looked very sturdy. They burst through it and locked it behind them.

"Good Christ!" said a voice from a cage on the floor. There was Team Kakashi in a tiny cage.

"Oh my god… You don't know how happy I am to see you guys." Said the Captain who for no apparent reason I'm going to call Captain Crunch (AN: Just for the hell of it. I mean I've probably already weirded out half the people reading this… Can't hurt).

"What the hell is going on out there?" Naruto asked looking up at the unit.

"The fangirls… They… they…"

"Let me guess they betrayed you by not paying you for our capture, and then writing their stupid annoying and gay fanfics about you. Then most of your unit died from the crappiness. Now you want revenge on them but your out armed and there are just to many of them. So you want us to take care of them so that you can get your revenge, and survive." Sakura said.

"Wow… How'd you know?"

"It's written in the script… Jesus read the damn thing it also goes into something about how there is a conspiracy of fangirls and something about vampiric fangirls… I mean hell even if you didn't read the script that is all pretty standard stuff." (AN: Sakura shut the hell up… seriously you bug the crap out of me.)

"Oh lick my ball!" She retorted (AN: Yeah you probably got um too. And I bet they're really small)

"I hate you" (AN: Mutual)… Anyway moving on with the plot. (AN: Dude don't interrupt me) Dude shut the hell up. (AN: No. (AN within an AN: Dude were trying to fill up pages here)) I don't care it is boring to me… so we're moving on with the plot. (AN: Ok… fine) Good… Now as I was saying…

"Dude we won't be able to help much. All we can use is tiejutsu. All our Ninjutsu and Genjutsu are out right now… It was that gas you used on us." Sasuke said.

"No it's just that cage your in. It has kryptonite bars." Said Captain Crunch

"No shit… We're weak to kryptonite?" Naruto asked.

"Apparently." (AN: SHUT UP… I couldn't think of anything else…)

"Huh, who knew… Well can you get us out?"

"Of course."

An extremely unrealistically short time later…

"Wow that was fast." Kakashi said.

"Yeah we're fast workers."

"Oh." They were standing there when for the sake of things moving along, the door burst in. The shinobi and the mercenaries burst into action. Sasuke using his Chidori, Naruto using the Rasengan, Kakashi being badass, and Sakura…. Well being Sakura. The mercenaries were all firing their autos into the horde of fangirls. Slowly the mass began to grow thinner and thinner. Finally they could break through. They headed for the nearest exit. They began to climb upward. They were getting close. They could see light. They emerged.

"We're FREE!" Captain Crunch yelled.

"Not Quite…" said a annoying shrill voice.

"Oh God" Captain Crunch said turning. There stood the fangirl council and… Oh God. There they were… right behind the fangirls stood Raditz, (evil) Vageta (no Idea how to spell it), The Ginyu Force (again don't know how to spell it.. I know there is a y in it though), Frezia (again not sure how to spell it, there is some funky spelling that only makes sense when you look at it), Robot Frezia, and Cell (AN: I'm leaving out Garlic Jr. because he is just a little filler fuck).

"What the hell is this?" Naruto asked.

"This my simple minded friend is… The Fangirl Games. You must go one on one with these guys. We have assured them that since no fangirl likes them we can insure that no fics will appear about them. As such they have agreed to participate representing the Council of Fangirls!"

"Oh ShNaughty Wordt

Cliff Hanger… (AN: I am concentrated evil that's why)

AN: Ok well wasn't that fun. This is the beginning of what I call the Cell Games Saga it will involve many of the main characters from DBZ as well as Naruto. I have decided not to do a parallel series with DBZ. Why? Well cause I realized that I just don't have time. I mean I got any other stories I feel like writing and this one (probably gonna be the only many chapter one). But check out my oneshots cause I got some funny ones. Well this one isn't as long as I though it would be but.. well, oh well. Oh and the song that I am listening to has changed to Sex Machine by James Brown. That song describes me well.

Ok well I'm gonna stop writing and post this motherfucker now so yeah.

TY for the read

Plz read and Review

Jester666

King of Clowns and Devils


	11. The Games Begin… Right after this!

AN: I'm late… I know BUT… I have finals to study for and a shit ton of work to do to get ready for the end of the semester. Basically I'm worked off my ass. I probably won't post this weekend. Well don't quote me on that though cause I just don't know. I have a little while now since I'm getting a shit ton of comics (yes I'm a major comic book buff). I'm trying out the Teen Titans for the first time (the cartoon sucks but the comic is supposed to be good, I really hate those cartoons… I mean just think about this ok… I mean it's a bunch of teenagers (and I think we all know what that is like/ has been like) with all the raging hormones, living alone… with NO or little adult supervision… and nothing happens. Ok I'm sorry but if that show was realistic than you'd see Robin sneaking into girls rooms to steal their underwear… then you'd hear noises coming from his room. Or these guys who are supposed to be a couple, would be having sex. It's just it's like taboo or something for you to even imply that stuff in cartoons. Think people ok…) and then I'm getting a bunch of X-Men, the Marvel Civil War, The Runaways, and Batman: The Dark Knight Returns. Yeah so while I wait for that I'm going to write this I guess. In response to Shadowcat's (I think that's an X-Men reference) request "Do you think you could write another part with team kakashi's reaction to the horrific pairings?" I will include a part in this with that. This is not quite a filler, but it is taking place in the prep time for the Cell Games thing. Oh and me and JT might be coaches if I feel like making a Rocky joke. If not I will defiantly put us in the Cell Games somewhere. Ok I think the period that they got in DBZ was like 3 days or something so I'm shortening it. Ok well enjoy the 11th (I think) part of How Many People Wanna Kick Some ASS.

TY

Jester666

Chapter 11: The Games Begin… Right after this !

Team Kakashi sat in the hotel room, which served as the home base for the shinobi of Naruto. They were practically prisoners within it. Outside the fangirls worked on the arena that would serve in the Fangirl Games. They worked fast to please their Queen yet it still was taking longer than the anxious shinobi would have liked. Outside along with the fangirls (armed with kryptonite) were the badies from DBZ (AN: I re-thought the Vageta thing. See originally I was going to have Vageta vs Vageta, but that would be weird so yeah… No evil Vageta (sorry to any Vageta fans that wanted to see that)). As it turned out all anime characters were weak against kryptonite, so the badies also had to wait. And so instead of doing the smart thing and killing all the anime characters that threatened their way of life, they worked their asses off to create an easily escapable trap (AN: Austin Powers joke). Team Kakashi sat in the room thoroughly depressed. Hell you would be to. I mean they had to participate in a stupid ass competition, they were trapped inside unable to fight because of the kryptonite, and to top it all off the song Sex Machine was playing repeatedly on the radio. (AN: I love the song Sex Machine by James Brown, but it gets a little repetitive after a few times listening to it. Still if you haven't heard it listen to it. It is fucking awesome "_Get up, Get on up, Get Up, Get on Up. Stay on the Scene. Like a Sex Machine"). _So that was the mood leading to what could be their greatest victory ever (AN: Just so there is no sense of suspense at all, I would like to point out that all tragedy Fanfics can like my balls. In the spirit of this OF COURSE THEY FUCKING WIN!!! Jesus Christ I hate those damn fics. I don't even read most of the ones I bitch about, but that is cause I read the descriptions (to get ideas of things to bitch about) and I think either, 'ok that might be ok..' or I think 'Jesus Christ someone needs to do something better with their fucking time'. Now some of you are going 'Oh be fair to them!' I tried that. Honest I tried reading one of those pieces of crap. Well let me just say that there is a damn reason I'm writing this fic).

"So who wants to take Freiza? Cause if no one else wants him I'll take him. I loved that fight." Naruto said.

"Naruto… you are fucking retarded. That season was mostly filler and not a whole hell of a lot happened. Basically we modeled our whole series around that Freiza Saga!" Sasuke retorted. (AN: Hey guys what's the matter. You usually aren't this depressed when you're ripping on Naruto)

"Oh it's just that instead of killing fangirls, like we originally set out to do, we are stuck doing these damn Cell Games rip off," Sakura replied. (AN: Well, why is that so bad? It might add a seriously needed sense of plot to this fic. Not just that, but if the Queen and the Council are watching then you might get a chance to take them all out at once)

"Hey YEAH!!! Wait… how the hell did you know about the Queen and all that?" Naruto asked. (AN: Dude I'm the author… I know everything… I'm god. That is just how it works)

"Then why the hell did you bother asking what was wrong?" Kakashi asked. (AN: Well, for the sake of the audience for one thing… and also I just like fucking with your heads as you try to contemplate the weirdness of me talking to you while narrating, AND coming up with your responses, and coming up with the story)

"So wait… If were your imagination… then are you talking to yourself?" Sakura asked. (AN: Hey Sakura, you remember how I said I was God?)

"Yeah…" (AN: Lets test it out…) All of a sudden out of nowhere a telephone pole came flying in through the window and bashed Sakura's head against the wall. (AN: DUDE THAT IS AWSOME. Ok slow motion replay!) In slow motion out of nowhere a telephone pole came flying in through the window and bashed Sakura's head against the wall.

"SSSSSHHHHHIIIIIITTTTT" said Sakura as it hit her. (AN: Oh god I wish I could do that in the real show. Until Shipudden when you get badass… well sort of badass. Ok no more slow mo) The world sped up again.

"SO what are you doing here any way Jester?" Naruto asked. (AN: Well Naruto I was just thinking that you guys could use some inspiration)

"Oh boy, what could it be!!" said Sasuke sarcastically. (AN: Telephone pole… If you would be so kind) The pole came flying through the window and this time got Sasuke right in the gut. (AN: He Nice.)

"So what could you tell us to get us to be less depressed?" (AN: Just this. You see I figured since it worked so well in the first chapter I thought I'd tell you some of the pairings that have been popping up on Like GaaNeji, KakaGai, ItaSasu (AN within an AN: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW (AN within the AN within the AN: This is partly just to fill up pages but mostly cause this pairing is gay incest… and that is just WRONG… unless you're a redneck. Your not a redneck are you?)) and GaaLee (AN within an AN: I have 2 things to say about this #1 "SCARY!!!!" #2 "DAMN IT YOU BASTARDS GAARA OF THE FUNCK (Naruto Abridged joke) IS NOT GAY!!!!!"). Yeah basically some scary shit.)

"those… bastards…" Sasuke said twitching. (AN: Oh yeah and conveniently they just finished the stadium… Why don't you go out there and kick some ass just like the title of this fic says.)

"ALLRIGHT LETS KILL THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS!! THEY'RE ALL GONNA BURN FOR THIS!!!!!" Screamed Naruto running from the room, he was soon followed by the rest.

To Be Continued…

AN: I really hate writing this necessary to the plot (kinda) filler crap. I mean I realize tha it would be weird if we had no transition. But the problem is I don't like making chapters to long. About 3 or 4 pages is good for a chapter I think (well for writing. If it were a oneshot (that had a plot) or a series that I only updated every week then about 8 pages would be good. But I try to update every day (or at least every other day) so I really try to keep the content good and the chapters manageable. I hat to long a stories. So while I hate these kinda filler chapters, I can't write them as part of the other chapters without them getting to long, and I can't just skip some of it. This chapter I made longer than it was going to be originally to fit in Shadowcat's request. If you have any requests just email them to me or review them on the thing. Alright that is enough typing for me for 1 day. See ya

TY

Read and Review

Jester666 


	12. DBZ Sindrome

AN: Ok I realize that it has been a ridiculasly long time since I have updated. I apologize. I have no excuse except for this... 666 Satan. Yes I read this work of art and then some. So basiclly I've been spending time (I should have spent updating) reading manga. I'm Sorry. Oh yeah and watching GTO (Great Teacher Onizuka). That is a fucking bawler series. Also I reformated my computer so I don not have word on here right now. So me being the kinda guy that does not listen in english class, my spelling and grammer will no doubt resemble that of a retarted monkey. So withotu further adoo (see can't spell worth shit) I present the Next installment in the How Many People Want to Kick Some Ass Saga!

(P.S. Bad Religion Kicks ASSSSSSS!!!!!!!! Listening to Hopless Housewife right now!!!!! It is one of my favorite songs LISTEN TO IT. Fuck Armaggedon...This Is Hell and I Love My Computer are also good (both are also Bad Religion))

Oh yeah and the animated series we were planning is put on hold for now. Sorry if any of you cared its just that JT and me are lazy asses. Yeah...

So Says the Great

Jester666

Chapter: Whatever the hell I'm on

My 20 Mile Long Cock:

As we left off last time, Naruto and the gang are heading into the Cell Games Saga this is probably going to be a ridiculasly long saga involving lots of blood and... AH HELL who do I think I'm kidding this is gonna be just a big long filler arc which

"DUDE SHUT THE HELL UP AND GO OVER TO US ALREADY!!!!" Naruto yelled. Alright, alright. Anyway so our heros arive at the big ass areana (AN: If you havent seen The Cell Games Saga then you are a n00b and as such have no buissness here... Seriously leave and go watch DBZ you fucking n00b. Oh Heres a spoiler It's long as fuck and like Naruto has a lot of like 20 episode sprees of nothing happening. Hell they just keep on like flying to one place and during that time NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENS!!!! (Oh yeah and also watch Berserk Abridged... FUCKING FUNYY!!! Little Spoiler "Jesus that guy's got a huge sowrd... You think he's compencating for something?" "Uhh I don't know, Ya think?"..."It's his Penis right?" Like I said funny Yu Yu Hakasho is another good one))). Ok So Team Kakashi enters this thing. There on the other side waiting for them is our first villian from the Sayain Saga (AN:the one with the horrible voice acting... You remeber such classic moments as "Keep Your Eye on the Birdy" and "It's over 9,000!!!!")Raditz.

"You gotta be kidding me, right?!! I mean that is just insulting. I mena Raditz was the weakest guy they fought... His power level was like 3. I mean he didn't even get his own rediculessly long filler saga. I mean hell in our show we give even the most unimportant villians there own saga and filler, and back story, and ridiculasly long and usless flash backs!!!! (AN: I'm looking at you Zabuza. Or should I say Mister Poofy Pajama Pants!!!(Naruto Abridged Joke!!! Rip off alert!!!!))" said Naruto indignatly.

"I know. This guy is obviously a sub-par villian. Hell he got beaten by Piccilo. I mean only the Sayains (well some of them) do anything in that show. Raditz is the only villian NOT beaten by one. I mean how fucking lame is that." Sasuke said. (AN: I apologize to all Piccilo fans out there. We assure you that Sasuke's comment is not indorsed by Jester666)"You fucking pussy. Be a man we all know you think Piccilo's a little pussy to. Hell everyone in that show is Except for Goku, Vagetia, Gohan, Trunks (when he's older), and Gotan (Though he pisses me off). But in the end everyone except Goku Gohan and Vagetia are ussless. Hell Mr. Satan is more usefull than Krillin (AN: While some might hate me for this (I kinda hate myself for it)the fact is is that Mr. Satan (that is Videl's dad to all of you who don't watch the show (Videl is Gohan's girlfriend/wife (though I'm pretty sure he was getting some poon before that. I mean come on the guy is like the best character in the history of all Dragonball. Seriously on Budikay Tenichianfraefjafjalf 3 (whatever the fuck it's called) I ONLY use Gohan (once he's a teen/adult) and I always win (ask STDDonerJake about that). Any who I'm pissed as hell by the DBZ fanfics on here so that is why I'm introducing DBZ shit! DBZ FOREVER BABY HELLS YEAH!!!! (and GT kinda sucks from what I hear but I'm probably gonna watch it any way!)Any way Mr. Satan used his influance on earth to help Goku make the spirit bomb. All Krillin ever did was die and get a hot ass wife.). And on top of all that in the end Goku is really the only REALLY usefull guy. Vageta gets way to sntimental. Seriously Majin Vageta needs to get himself a pair of testicles and attach them. I mean what the hell!!! He shouldn't love his family!!! He's got plans for world domination and Universal Domination. He dose not have time to be all "Oh god I betrayed my wife and kid... wahhh..." That little pussy seriously. I mean here is how it should have gone. "Well Bopety I would love to destroy earth, BUT wouldn't you know it I recently found out I like getting laid... SO... I'm gonna say no I'll just kick your ass, get my fill of the murdering done and then go home and get some sweet, sweet poon tang!!!"" Sasuke said.

"Wow... hey did that monolouge seem ridiculesly long to anyone else?" Naruto asked.

"Nope seemed standard length for this show (and DBZ)" Sakura said.

"Yeah I guess so..."

"At least it wasnt like "Oh I want to save Gaara cause he's got the Giant Fucking Raccoon in him and I've got the Kubi in me so the writers are using the same theme that used during the Retreive Sasuke saga!" I mean it could have been that lame but taken 20 episodes to do"Kakashi said.

"That's true." Naruto responded.

"Hey has anyone noticed how it is taking a long ass time for this to start?" Sasuke asked.

"Of course dude. We're dealing with DBZ now. Every episode has to have like 2 seconds of progress and then filler. God"

"So this is another filler chapter?" Nasruto asked

"No. This is a chapter that is being writen to apologize for the lack of posts. It we are going to start the fight right as the chapter ends. That way we are following the classic Naruto set up. Except instead of flash backs and crappy morals and all that jazz we're using an element that is common in both DBZ and Naruto and that is the usless dialoge so that the writers don't have to think that much. And so they can save on animation by just looping like three frames over and over." Kakshi explained.

"Oh... So who's taking Raditz?"

"Well folowing the classics we have to save the most badass fight for Naruto and Sasuke so that they look cooler by comparison. So I'll take him." Kakshi said.

"Cool good luck." Sasuke said. Kakshi gave him the thumbs up and then ran toward Raditz in the classic fighting pose. Cause as we all know the main characters get to decide when the fights start. I mean hell why on earth would the bad guys attack them when they are defencless cause they are flashing back, or just uslessly talking. Raditz prepared for the strike. Kakshi reached Radtiz and began his attack...

To Be Continued...

"YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!" Kakashi yelled!

AN: Ok so there you have it. The begining of the Cell FGames Saga. This chapter was ment to just be kinda my take on DBZ and Naruto. I mean I now that in most ways they are nothing alike, but the structure is so similar. That is probably the main reason why I put them together for this. I love DBZ and Naruto, don't get me wrong. I just hate some of the structer. Well I guess I should wrap this up. I mean most of this has been AN's so I don't think I have much more to say. Tomorow will definatly bring another chapter so yeah. WATCH BERSERK IT IS IN FACT CHUCK NORRIS APROVED (I've been wanting to say that for fucking ever. Seriously though watch it. The abridged series is funny but the series is also damn good. Read the manga to it is bad ass!!! Yeah...)

You Will Obey my Will

Jester666


	13. HOT STEAMY EXPLICITLY DETAILD SEX!

AN: Ok so for this chapter I decided to pull a South Park. YEP I am not gonna write the begining of the Kakashi-Raditz fight yet. I am instead doing what I choose to call a special staring two characters I have already made a story about. Shikamaru and Temari. I am doing this as both a advertisment for the Shikamaru Temari How Sex Would Really Go, and as a JOKE on all lemons out there. Let me clear something up... I could be an exelent lemon writer if I wanted. But I find writing (suposed) comedy is more entertaning and more satisfying. I mean ask yourself honestly, would you rather write something that someone out there can get a few good whacks (or fingerings) out of. Or something that you know people are reading with more than just their dicks interested. I am a man so naturally I have seen porn before ( I mean hell everyone has even acidentaly. Also ladies NEVER beleive a man if he says he's never looked at porn. YES HE HAS!!! Trust me, I don't care who you are if you are a man and you have hormones, you have looked at porn!) and I have seen comedy. To be honest I would rather see something that makes me laugh. Also I mean some of the lemons on here are really gross. I mean Gaara would probably be rolling in the pussy but I don't want to hear about it. And in that spirit I want to list off some Gaara pairings that discust me... heh hem Gaara/Sakura (What the fuck... Whene has he shown ANY interest in her?!?!? He hasn't hell he's showed more interest Naruto than Sakura. Which brings me to) Gaara/Naruto (EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW... Continue that eww out till it fills up about 20 pages. This is just disgusting. REALLY!!!!), and lastly Gaara/Temari (Ok what not to say about this couple... HMMM Just a question but how many people posting on here are from Alabama??? (Alabamians DON'T take offens, I don't want any pissed off rednecks with their wife/mothers/sisters and shotguns coming after me (Ok I'm sorry I couldn't resist... I know you'd leave the cousin/wifes/sisters/daughters at home to do your cooking and cleaning (Ok this time I'm being serious I'm sorry I realize that at least .3 of Alabama recognize that womens right exist Even if they're not happy about it (ok this time I am serious I am sorry... It's just so easy to make fun of people from Alabam (With your sick 20 wife/mother/cousins/sisters/daughters/brothers) Ok that was my last one I swear)))))Oh and before I forget I DID NOT COME UP WITH THE GAARA OF THE FUNK!!!! I did that as a joke because my friends read this and they also watch Naruto Abridged. They came up with it... I give all credit to them.). Ok so just because I feel like it... HOT SEX SCENE!!!!!

Chapter 13:

EXTREAMLY HOT AND GRAPHICALY DETAILED SEX SCENE!!!!:

Shikamaru and Temari were alone in the extremely hot and steamy hotel room.

"You know the others are all out at the Cell Games Saga... We could have some fun!" Temari said in her best seductive tone.

"Oh you're right..." Shikamaru said breathlessly as Temari crawled up at him slowly undoing the belt thingy that held together her all to revealing clothing that no girl under the age of 18 should leagely be wearing (unless the author of Naruto has a lolita fetish). She jumped the last few feet, so that she was now laying on top of Shikamaru, with her breasts almost compleatly reveiald(AN: HOWEVER THE FUCK YOU SPELL IT. I'm to lazzy to correct it. Which is ironic because it is probably taking more effort to write this tahn it would to correct it... ah well fuck it). She slowly coressed his chest as he tuged her kimono out of the way. He attacked her breasts with his mouth. She moaned as he took each into his mouth.

"STOP..." She said breathlessly.

"What?" He asked

"Let's get to the main event!" She said grinning slyly.

"I like how you think!" In no time they were both naked. Shikamaru got ontop and they began.

"Ok so how is this suposed to work?" he asked

"Well I think someone told me how to do this... Let's see. Ok try lining this up here... Ok now- Oh that's not suposed to do that... hmmmm. OH I know try this."

"OWWWW!" He yelled

"Ooooooohhhh... That had to hurt... ok lets try this... ok now get that there... NOOOOOO not THERE!!!! Here lets try changing positions." They did. "Ok now try this... JESUS THAT IS NOT SUPSOED TO DO THAT!!!"

"Oh mabey we should try this!!!" He sugested thrusting forward.

"THAT WAS MY EAR ASSHOLE!!!!"

"Oh sorry... hmmm... Ok lets try... no... hmmm. OH I KNOW!!!!"

"Oh you mean..."

"Yeah!"

"Ok, never tried that."

"Here... ok that worked... OUCH!!! WHAT THE HELL YOUR NOT SUPOSED TO BITE IT!!!"

"Sorry I thought you might be into that."

"NO!! JESUS WHAT GAVE YOU THAT IDEA!!!!????"

"ooooohhhhh... mabey this isn't the best time to bring up whisper whisper whisper..."

"HOLY HELL!!!!!!!!! What the hell is wrong with you woman????"

"Well I just asumed you'd want to try. I mean you know what they say "A good variety is best""

"I don't think that the ment F()&(&(((&(&&()&(&&&& and then &&&(&)($&()( in th &$#$#$$$(&$#&( with a couple of &)&#&#$( and some diffrent kinds of fish!!!!"  
"Ok fine we won't try it..."

"Woman we can't even do this right... What the hell makes you think that we could do that?? Besides where on earth would we get some &#$$&&&#&# at this hour?"

"Alright you made your point."

"You know what I'm just not in the mood any more" Shikimaru said moving. As he did so it finally went into the right hole.

"YES!!!! FREKIN YES!!!! VICTORY!!!"

To Be COntinued...

"WHAT!?!?!?! YOU'RE TELLING ME I FINALLY WORKED OUT HOW TO DO THIS AND YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING END THE CHAPTER!?!?!!?" (AN: Dude I gave you your own fucking story. You should read it. Just go to my Profile. Once there check out my stories, then click on Temari SHikamaru how sex would really go. Then read it. After that make sure to review or comment, then go and check out my other stories. Review and comment on them to. That way I will feel motivated to write more in the futer:)

"Wow I think I shal proceed to do that. Hell any resonable and sane person would!!!" wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more, say no more

AN: Ok and that was my steamy hot fic... Hope you liked. For all of you who are wondering this actually happened to me. Yes that entire dialouge was NOT in facty a work of fiction. It was in fact something that happend. And guess what it was a threesome between me and two Alabamians. The female was the other guy's wife/sister/cousin/mother/daughter/father/transvestite striper that he slept with after getting drunk and knoking her uncouncious with a chair. (Ok that was my last Alabama joke) Ok in all seriousness this was a complete work of fiction. In fact I purposly went against the character of Shikimaru in this just to make a joke (I figure 'hell I'm already fucking with the story so much I may as well'). If this offended anyone I probably don't care. SO yeah comment/review hoping to get at least 60 comments and such before the end of this sucker. Yeah in case you didn't pick it up I advertised my other fanfics at the end there. If you want to know how the rest of the sex gose read my other Naruto story (it is not a lemon. Like I said I don't do lemons. Though if you got a funny one, or a good one (you know one that doesn't suck donkey testies) tell me about it and I'll pass it on to JT (we call him 'Hentai' for a reason) so yeah... That was that.

Ty for the Read

Plz Review

Jester666


	14. The Lamest Battle Ever Written

AN: HELLO FANFICTION... Home of nerds and Fangirls (and those of us who have nothing better to do with our lives). My first note should of course be that I am late with this post. I actually have an excuse this time. I just got back from Portland. I was helping some family move in to their new house. It was fun and all that, but I realized that I had not posted on here. Call it bad planning on my part for not warning you a head of time. I do apologize and ask that you don't come after me with pointy sticks and things that burn (Cause I know all of you only live to read more of my fic and that it absolutly torments your very soul when I don't post). I have discovered something very interesting while I was gone though. TRIGUN THE MANGA IS BADASS!!!!! Before this trip I could only find Trigun Maximum, so I was happy as hell to find the first 2 volumes of Trigun. If you don't know what Trigun is then you are what my friends and I comonly refer to as a N00B!!!!! In other news... hmmm let's see... I got my first pube...(sorry couldn't resist). OHHHHH I have been reading some of Berserk (about 134 chapters of it). It is the quite possibly the most disturbing thing I've ever read. And at the same time possibly the most AWSOME!!!!! I mean it's sick as fuck, but it has got some badass shit in there. Course the whole demon rape scen was a tad bit disturbing (not to mention graphic as HELL. I mean he showed diffrent positions and everything. The only thing you didn't see was vagina I mean they even had bush!!!!! I mean the good bush NOT the president.) So yeah it has my recomendation to anyone who wants to see really bloody action with disturbing demons, and nude people/demons, then definatly read it. I thing System of a Down put it best (I listen to this song whenever I read it) "It's a Violent Pornography. Chocking Chicks and Sodomy" and everything in that quote dose happen in the manga:)/:(. So yeah to sumurise if you liked Bible Black then you are gonna love Berserk, if you haven't seen it (lucky you), or if you have seen it and didn't like it (I'm probably in this catagory) then you might like it (most people do). Ok well that was my manga talk for this time. I know it probably was the most random thing you've heard but I just thought you'd enjoy some 'News from Jester'. Any who this upcoming chapter I am going back to the original plot (the Raditz Kakashi fight!!!) so enjoy that. Also I would like to apologize for the last chapter. I don't think I got a great response from it and I'm sorry if it offended anyone. I thought it would be funny, but when I don't get many reviews it kinda makes me think that people didn't like it. If you were scared off by my warning that it was going to be graphic. I LIED!!!! It barely had any actuall details in it. So if you didn't read it because of that I think you should go back and read it. I rarely laugh while writing something, but that was one I was grining evily while I wrote (I thought it was hee-haw-larious!!!) So I'm hoping to hit at least 50 comments/reviews by the end of this story. I think that is a realistic goal as long as everyone dose their part. So read and review or else God will kill a puppy (or if you don't like puppies then he'll kil the first born of your family) :).

Thanx for listening

Now read the solid crap that is being spewed from my keybaord

Jester666

Chapter 14:

The Lamest Battle Ever Written:

Kakashi yelled and ran toward Raditz.

"CHIDORI!!!" He screamed rushing forward. Raditz calmly looked on as Kakashi came forward.

"God your pathetic... I can see why your pared with people like Guy-Sensei and Anko, and you probably have the biggest OC catagory on this site."

"AT LEAST I HAVE A FANDOM WHICH IS A TESTIMATE TO THE FACT THAT MY CHARACTER IS SUPERIOR AND HAS MUCH MORE IMPACT TO STORY THEN YOU DO!!!!!" Kakashi yelled still running forward

"Jesus Christ! What the hell is taking him so long to fucking get there? I mean he's been running like this since 2 chapters ago?!" Naruto asked exasperated.

"Well you see Naruto, when ever the writers/animators are lazy or want to extend the saga, they make everything longer. That is why the wait before he started running was ridiculessly long too. So now everything is going to take a long time because in reality Kakshi could probably just kick his ass in like 5 minutes. They want to get an episode (or chapter) out of this but don't want to animate (or write) a whole hell of alot. So that is when they use this scinareo. It could be worse I mean usually they just have us continually jump through porly looped animated footage of trees. It could be worse thoug. I mean they havent used their worst move." Sasuke explained.

"What is their worst move?" Sakura asked.

"Simple, it's when they have the climactic end to the last episdoe to make you think they started the fight but then they some how avoid starting it in the next episode. Sometimes they have someone stop them, or sometimes they do a "big reveal" to make the fight stop. Of course it's always something we already figured out for ourselves (AN: Eragon/ Eldest I'm staring RIGHT at ya)" Sasuke said

"Dude look I think he might be at the end of the run!!!" Naruto yelled. It was true Jester finally got tired of writing all this filler so Kakashi (going against ALL Naruto/DBZ style) had finaly gotten out of the big advancment.

"Wait Kakashi..." Raditz said

"What?"

"You wouldn't hurt your own Big Brother would you?" Kakshi stoped dead in his tracks!

"OH GOD DAMNIT!!!! YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING!!! CHRIST LOOK YOU ALREADY PULLED THAT CRAP ON GOKU IN THE SAYIAN SAGA!I mean christ it is always something like that. Kakshi I TOLD YOU to watch the DVD box set of DBZ we had, but nooooooo. You decided against it and look he got you with the classic "big reveal" move!" Sasuke shouted at their sensei.

"Damn, you saw through my cleaver, and stratigicaly placed reveal... Oh shit" Raditz said, as Kakshi promptly shoved his Chidori right through his heart.

"Wow... You mean we had to go through all that crappy filler for like 5 seconds of action?"

"Yeah dude. Look that is always how fights work. If they aren't that important then it only takes a couple seconds to win. Hell in MAJOR BATTLEs we only get like mabey 3 minutes of actuall fighting, compared to the 20 minutes they spend talking."

"SO how do we know when a major battle is coming up?" Naruto asked.

"Well first the character who is fighting will give a long crappy monolouge and then the inspirational music will start playing." As Sasuke was saying all this Nappa (You all remeber him. The filler fuck who took up half of the Sayian Saga even though Goku beat him in like 5 seconds) was walking on to the feild to replace the now dead Raditz.

"You know what guys? It is time for me to do something. I am always hiding behind you guys I need to take care of this myself... I mean sure the first usefull thing I do in the series is kick the crap out of Sasori (despite having given this "I need to do something" speech like 30 frikin times). But I need to do this now!" As Sakura was talking the inspirational flute solo that always kicks in right as a big fight is suposed to happens, began to play (AN: Watch the fucking show if you don't know what I'm talking about). Sakura charged forward.

"Wow dude you were right. Crappy monolouge, wierd flute solo, crappy battle!" Naruto said.

"Dude of course I was right. Now if everthing follows the show then...YEP look she's flashbacking." Sasuke said.

Menwhile in Sakura's inner monolouge

_I need to help Naruto and Sasuke. I need to be less of a horribly annoying character who is SUPOSED to add sex apeal to the show even though I'm like 12 years old _(AN: Seriously what the hell. It's the same with Winrey from FMA. I mean are all Japanese pedophiles or what? THEY ARE FUCKING 12!!!! God go with the Onegai Teacher aproach and add an extreamly hot (and busty:) teacher to the mix (who a fucking 15 year old has sex with... I mean how realistic is that. I mean put aside all the alien crap all that junk and just look at this. Nobody who looks like that would be sexually atracted to someone who is like 6 years younger than them.) But like I say add a hot older woman to the mix (Like Anko except alot hotter) for the sex apeal. Don't use 12 year old girls!) _I need to become strong so that I can continue to attempt to whore myself off to Sasuke, even though I know he's a queer who's obssed with Naruto... I will also probably start having sex with him sometime in the future, and so I need to-_

"SAKURA SHUT THE HELL UP, STOP FLASHBACKING, AND GET TO THE PART WHERE ONE OF COMES AND SAVES YOU SO WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS CHAPTER ALREADY!!!!" Naruto yelled at her.

"RIGHT!!" She yelled back. She ran forward and got the shit kicked out of her by a weak ass aponent... Just like usual.

"Ok my turn!" Sasuke yelled. He sprinted forward and shoved several shiruken up Nappa's ass.

"God damn I'm good." He said walking away from the corpse.

"Don't get to confident just yet Sasuke," Kakashi said as they huddled in their group.

"Why the hell not?"

"Because your fights are always tougher than Sakura's. After this you go up against an oponent that for some reason kicks your ass, and then Naruto has to kick his ass to show he's superior to you. I mean hell why do you think the show is called Naruto?"

"Good point Kakashi-Sensei!" Sakura said.

Mehwhile in the Den of the Queen

"Damn them!! They have gotten this far... Alright pull out the big guns"

"You mean?"

"Yes... Skip them to the Freiza Saga."

"But... That would mean skiping the Namek and the Ginyu Saga..."

"Yes I know. Have the villians from those saga's killed, the filler fucks"

"Yes... right away."

"YES SOON MY PLAN SHAL COME TO FRUITION!!!!! Genaric Villian Laugh"

To Be Continued...

AN: That was that... I've gotta go take a piss so I'm just gonna finish here, no AN.


	15. OVER 9,000!

AN: GOOD EVENING Your Literary Clownish God has returned to tell you the next chapter of his epic "How Many People Wanna Kick Some ASS". In this chapter I will be doing one of the most annoying tricks of the DBZ anime. That's right the slightly changed recap of the last chapter!!! (evil laugh). You know recently I have been reading the Dragon Ball manga (which is hard to find) and I gotta say. After Son Goku competed in his third Budika (the one where he fought Piccilo) the manga (and the show… That was actually the conversion to DBZ in the anime) got WAY to serious for my taste… Still I have pressed on and I am happy to announce that I have finally reached the fight between Dr. Gero and that one android (who lasts about 5 seconds) and Goku. One thing I am disappointed in is the fact that as Goku ages and learns more about the world he loses the innocent humor he used to have. For instance he stopped doing the "pat-pat" (this was a technique that he used to determine the gender of someone by patting their genitals, it scared the crap out of everyone), also he stopped being confused by the idea of two sexes (like at one point he removed Bulma's panties to see if she really didn't have a tail… he discovered that she also lacked a penis and balls… He was scared out of his mind. It was HEE-HAW-LARIOUS!!!!!) there were many other instances like that (they also used to make jokes about the fact that they were called Dragon Balls like:

Bulma: No it's a Dragon Ball

Goku: You mean some poor Dragon lost his…

See what I mean funny SHIT!!!). Anyway I recommend reading the manga as it is really good and doesn't have nearly as much filler. NOT FOR CHILDREN!!!!!! They swear and make sexual references almost constantly. To quote Bulma "They don't have sex? I'm glad I'm not a Namek… I'd die of boredom."

Well that's my news for today… yeah lets move on to the story.

Chapter 15:

The Annoying and Slightly Altered (really altered) Recap!:

Sakura was throne back out of the ring by the Elite Sayian Nappa (AN: Though if Nappa was one of the Elite Sayians then I can see why they went extinct). She then implemented a tag team strategy. Sasuke ran in to replace her.

"You think you, a mere human, can compare against one of the mighty Sayians?" Nappa taunted. In response Sasuke ran in and leaped forward. His knee collided firmly with Nappa's face.

"What the.." he never finished his sentence as his face had an unfortunate impact with Sasuke's fist.

"Hey Nappa…I think you were saying something funny."

"HEY VEGITA, WHAT'S THE SCOUTER SAY ABOUT HIS POWER LEVEL?!?!" Nappa yelled over his shoulder. (AN: Of course as I decided that Vegita should not be one of the villains he is not here so we shall relocate temporarily to his location.)

"Dude fuck you I'm not saying it…" Vegita said. (AN: Say the fucking line!)

"NO!!! Look I'm sick of this. Ok so I said the line a little enthusiastically and now I have to deal with people imitating me and crappy youtube videos. I am not saying it… Besides I'm the Funimation Vegita you want the Ocean Group's dub." (AN: Just say the god damn line so we can move on)

"NO!!!"

(AN: I'll release an army of angry Asian midgets on you if you don't)

"fine… it's over 9,000" (AN: I can't here you)

"It's over 9,00" (AN: SAY IT RIGHT!!! Ok look let's just start over… Nappa say your line)

"HEY VEGITA, WHAT'S THE SCOUTER SAY ABOUT HIS POWER LEVEL?!?!?!" Nappa yells

"IT'S OVER **9,000**" Vegita yells. (AN: Good now we can move on (AN within the AN: I'm sorry but I love that line))

Ok getting back to the fight. Oh crap well looks like Nappa's already dead… Ok moving on.

"Boom Bitch," Sasuke says confidently walking back to their end of the stadium.

"Attention all contestants the sponsors of this special addition of the Cell Games request that we skip the rest of the Sayian Saga, the Namek Saga, and the Ginyu Saga, and skip right to the Frieza Saga. First up will be Frieza" said a voice coming from a speaker above.

"Frieza huh… hmm if I watched the anime right, his power level at full force is way-"

"OVER **9,000!**"

"Thanks Vegita." Kakashi informed the rest of the group

"Wait a minute; in previous chapters didn't we say that you didn't watch the anime?" Naruto asked.

"Maybe, I can't really remember that far back. It doesn't matter though we did just do a slightly changed recap."

"Good point."

"So who's gonna take him?" Sasuke asked.

"Well if we follow the format then he should first kick all our asses, then Naruto comes in and start whooping some ass, then Frieza start's to win, and then it is just a constant exchanger of the upper hand until one of them wins (which means we decide to stop doing filler)," Kakashi informed them.

"Well fuck that! I am sick of filler. Let me just kick his ass horribly and then win the rest of the tournament. Then we can do fan service! YAY!!!!" Naruto said.

"Naruto… I can't even find the words to express how much I hate you right now…" Kakashi said back to him.

"Ok but we all agree that since Frieza is-"

"OVER **9,000!**"

"Thanks Vegita. That we should just let Naruto fight him and… HEY WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING!!?!?!?" (AN: Who me… I'm going to go eat some dinner)

"WHY?" (AN: Cause it's like 7 and I'm hungry. It doesn't matter if it's that short a chapter. Here we'll start the Frieza fight tomorrow, promise)

"Alright."

To Be Continued…

AN: Alright see ya tomorrow!

TY For the Read (and you did review… RIGHT!?!?)

Jester666


	16. Attack of Frieza

AN: "Hold Me Closer Tiny Dancer. Count the Headlights on the Highway!" Sorry but I'm listening to Tiny Dancer right now and it's just such an awesome song that I had to quote it. I'm also listening to a whole shit tone of South Park stuff (Mostly Chef, though some Faith 1 (If you don't know what that is then you need to watch South Park "I want to get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus. I want to feel his salvation all over my face." Yeah… It's Cartman's Christian Rock Band. FUNNY SHIT!!)). Anyway that being out of the way (my useless info for the day), I do have some news. I have started a Batman project and I require assistance. Yeah basically I kinda suck at voice acting (well not really, but I can only do some of the characters voices) and well that is where you come in. If any of you have read The Long Halloween then you will be familiar with the story we're doing. Basically it's like those old radio shows (they did one for Batman I think. I know they did one for Superman) but instead of describing the actions I will scan in the comic frames. Then we just do some dubs. I already call Two-Face and Harvey Dent (cause I'm actually good at those voices. There are a few others I'll do unless someone else wants um). I still need a Batman, a Joker, a Catwoman, a Carmine Falconie, a Commissioner Gordon, and a whole lot of others, but I want to stick to these right now. To audition just email me at (I DIDN'T MAKE THE NAME!!!!!) and tell me what voice you want to do. Then send me a voice addition. I'll then get back to ya. Oh and if I get a lot of spam it will make exactly 0 difference cause I got like 20 other email addresses and I can switch over to them really easily. Anyway just record yourself saying some line from that person (You can find tones of their quotes online) or you can email me and ask what I want you to say for your audition. Anyway I'm gonna see if I can get my friends in on this also. I'll post on it when a part is taken so no worries there. I don't know how many people will volunteer for this, but I really don't need that many people. I could probably do it with like 5 guy's and 2 gal's. But if I get more auditions then I'll do it with more. You are NOT getting paid for it so don't even think about asking. I do not make any money off this shit so I couldn't pay you if I wanted to. Anyway just sign up for the fun of it, I think it'll be cool but I need your help. Anyway that's my news. Just respond and email me. I will check everyday so I should get back to you really soon. Ok here's the chapter. It's gonna be a short one as I am tired, but I didn't want to leave you with nothing so here…

Chapter 16:

Frieza Strikes:

Naruto stood on one end of the great stadium, Frieza on the other. They stared each other each trying not to blink.

"Jesus Christ does every fight start with a staring contest?" Sasuke asked.

"What you start your fight differently?" Kakashi asked.

"Yeah, you see unlike you my fight scenes don't totally suck." (AN: Ok to be fair they both get shity fighting scenes, but Sasuke has gotten some good one's so… yeah).

"So do you think he has a chance?" Sakura asked.

"The shows called Naruto… what the hell do you think?" Kakashi responded.

"But as we said Frieza's power level is WAY—"

"OVER **9,000!**" Vegita yelled.

"Thax Vegita… Anyway if he is that powerful how can Naruto beat him?"

"Well he couldn't really, but since this is a Naruto fic the author is no doubt gonna have him beat him some way. I mean it's just like any show, realistically there is no way in hell those guys would win but they still do! (AN: and in the process give American Youth a false hope of the future. Ahh the blatant lies of adulthood that allow us to get those evil little bastards into shape so that they can live in society. Yeah I'm kinda a Hobbesist in that respect (AN within the AN: If you don't know what that is I'll explain it to ya if you try for a role))"

"But wait! What if the author feels like getting away from the stereotypes of Shonen anime and have the main character get his ass whooped?"

"Well then we're totally fucked." As it turns out the author did want Naruto to get his ass whooped (cause we all know that in reality Naruto would get his ass kicked by Frieza). Naruto (ignoring the warnings of myself and Sakura) charges forward. Frieza side stepped easily. Naruto turned and threw several kunai at the bald headed penisless freak, which he avoided by leaping into the air. He then let lose several ki blasts from his finger (AN: Ki is like chakra but a lot cooler cause you don't have ta use any hand signs to use it. Basically they use it to fly and blow shit up). One hit Naruto straight in the chest and he fell over. poof

"LOGED!!!!" shouted a voice as Naruto's boy was replaced by a log.

"OH GOD DAMN IT!!! I HAD ENOUGH OF THAT IN NARUTO ABRIDGED!" Sasuke yelled (AN: Sorry Vegita986 (or whatever the # was) and guy whose name I can't remember right now. Couldn't resist.)

"Ha that was my replacement jutsu, AND NOW!!!" Naruto yelled. Frieza looked up into the air above him. Sure enough Naruto was descending rapidly upon his dickless foe.

"RASENGAN!!!" He yelled as the ball of energy formed in his hand. Frieza whipped out his tail to strike his opponent. His tail took the Rasengan. He screamed as he saw his tail fall to the ground below.

"You bastard, how dare you!" He shrieked in his effeminate voice that almost sounds like Ursula the Sea Witch fro Disney's The Little Mermaid.

"Quite Easily." Naruto Said in his cocky voice.

"OK FUCK THIS. NAMELESS ATTACK THAT IS SUPPOSED TO DESTROY THE WORLD!!!" Frieza screamed.

"KA-ME-HA-ME-HAAA!!!!" Yelled a voice from above the stadium (AN: It's the stadium used in the Tenkiaitchi-Budikai in the manga so it has an open roof). A blue beam of ki energy flew at Frieza, striking him in the head and sending him flying back down to the earth. Naruto and the rest looked up.

"Look it's the entire cast of DBZ!!!! They've come to help us!" Sakura yelled as Son Goku and the rest landed (AN: I'm using the ones from the Budikai saga (right before the Bu saga) cause I feel like it).

"OH FUCK!!!" screamed Frieza. The real fight had just begun.

To Be Continued…

AN: Sorry but I'm gonna go to sleep right now so I didn't make this longer (originally it was gonna be like a compound chapter. With 2 chapter in one kinda thing, but I didn't get to it until like 10 so I'm sleepy. See ya for tonight. Don't forget to Review this. AND TO TRY OUT FOR BATMAN: THE LONG HALLOWEEN!

Ty Fir the Read and Review

Jester666


	17. How Many People Love Pedobear?

Hello fans of ass kicking, and welcome to another 'special' chapter by me, JT Jewels. In this chapter, I wll be using 4chan memes every once in a while, just so that you're warned ahead of time. Okay this is also have Ranma and possibly Inuyasha. Well, please enjoy and please review!

The games had started, and the stadium was roaring with boos and hisses. Apparently when the DBZ troupe came in to save the day, the people up in the stands got pissed and the entire stadium cleared, "What's going on here?! How did you bastards revive again?!"

"We're magical that way Son Goku!" screamed android 17. That's when 17 saw 18 and he ran to his sister, "What has happened while I was gone?!"

"Well, I married this bald shrimp and we did some shit... not much other than that..."

"Well that's impossible; you can't have a relationship with a human because you're a machine."

"Not anymore I'm not. This brilliant little shit wished for me to be a human."

"That little bastard!!"

"Don't kill him now, Goku would have you in shrapnel in seconds." as the two 'siblings' had their conversation, apparently Ranma's group came in. When they saw the stadium, they weren't especially amazed but walking into it they found it was basically a mix of fucknuts and retards wanting to kill each other, "What's this all about?" he asked. Coincidentally Naruto was right there to answer him, "We're here to fight, but these jackasses are stalling because of the arrival of these fuckers."

"Why's that?"

"... did you ever read 'Dragon Ball'?"

"What's that?"

"Well screw it--these guys are from the same series, and the good guys that supposedly 'barely beat the bad guys' showed up and now we have to wait until the villains stop shitting their pants and we can get this over with and kill the queen of fangirls."

"That's a bitch... say, why don't you just go straight to the queen and blow her fuckin' head off?"

"... look around you dipshit, do you see any queen?!"

"Yeah, she's right there on the balcony!"

"...Why the fuck didn't I see that shit earlier?"

"I don't know, why didn't you?"

"... fuck you man, just fuck you!!"

(line)

The queen noticed something bizarre about one of the newcomers, "Hey lookout, what's that little bastard in red and black doing pointing up here?"

"Apparently he's pointing something out."

"... I know that you fucknut, but what is he pointing at?"

"I don't know--oh he's pointing at us!!"

"He's what?!"

"He's pointing at us, and now Naruto is coming!! Oh shit, everybody hide!!"

"Why? We've got a fucking shield, don't you remember?!"

"... You're right... false alarm, everybody back to your stations..."

"Well, this'll be entertaining..." As the queen said that Naruto jumped up intending to land on the balcony, but instead of landing firm on the balconey, he bodyslamed against an invisible barrier. The queen watched as he slid down slowly making the usual squeaking sound that someone makes when they slide down a glass wall, door, etc. Just as Naruto passed the queen he double deuced her and finally fell off of the barrier, "See? We're safe!" screamed the queen.

(line)

Ranma watched as Naruto jumped up in an attempt to get on the balcony, but then he noticed that there was a barrier. Before Ranma had a chance to tell Naruto, he'd already splattered himself against the barrier. He continued to watch Naruto as he slid down the barrier. Then he noticed Naruto double deucing the queen and he chuckled a little bit. When Naruto fell off finally, Ranma started to laugh, and when Naruto came out of the stands, he had something behind him; it was like a teddy bear. When Naruto finally got to him, Ranma had to ask, "Dude, what's that behind you?"

"What?" Naruto turned around and saw that a teddy bear like creature was behind him, "What the flying fuck is that?!" he screamed while jumping five feet in the air, landing next to Ranma. Then Sakura chose the wrong time to come to Naruto as the teddy bear's eyes got wide. The bear then started chasing the girl, "What the flying fuck is going on with that bear anyhoo?"

"Don't ask me..." that's when a very disturbed little girl came up to them out of the blue and was chanting, "No, stop it Pedo Bear, s-stop!! No!!" Naruto and Ranma looked at eachother, and thought about what his name meant, "What's Pedobear mean?" was Naruto's question, and Ranma had answers, "Well, the 'Pedo' part of his name means he's a pedophile, and he's a bear, hence the bear part..."and that's when Naruto realized that Sakura was only about twelve years old. As Pedobear chased after Sakura, he was screaming, "DELICIOUS. FLAT. CHEST!!" and continued to run after her for about an hour.

The sound of the doors to the stadium being opened could be heard, and the Inuyasha group came in. Inuyasha was furious too, "Where the fuck is the goddamn fangirl queen?! I'll kick her sorry ass for making me fuck my brother!!" everyone cringed and most of the people also puked as he said that, "You can't get to her, but you can try... She's up there." Ranma answered. Inuyasha immediately ran towards the balcony and tried several wind scars, but nothing would work. He even tried a few backlash waves, but that didnt' work either, "What the fuck kinda' berrier is that?!"

"An impenitrable one fuckface!!" screamed one of the staduim techs. Inuyasha barked at her, and she freaked out and hid behind her queen's throne. As Inuyasha landed, he noticed that there were several other groups around the arena in the middle of the staduim. Inuyasha didn't recognize any of them, but Kagome recognized all of them, "Oh my god, it's the DBZ cast!! Oh, and that's the Naruto cast, and that's the Ranma cast!!" Inuyasha was freaking out because Kagome was going crazy over the fact that she knew these people. Apparently these people were really important to her, "Who are these people Kagome?"

"Oh, they're Manga characters from some of my favorite mangas!"

"What's a 'Manga'?"

"A comic book! You wouldn't know what that was though, so I won't explain it."

"Are you saying I'm stupid?!"

"No, I'm just saying it's somewhat a modern thing, and unless you're from the future you wouldn't know what the fuck it was."

"... Alright..." and so, Kagome ran off to talk to some of her favorite characters. Inuyasha just slinked over to where Ranma and Naruto were standing, "So what's this tournament thing about?"

"Oh, we have to apparently beat the villains of DBZ so that we can get to the queen of fangirls!"

"… oh fuck that I'll do it right here!!"

"You can't kill them or else we'll never get to the queen!!"

"Wadda' ya' mean?!"

"We have an agreement that only the Naruto cast is aloud to fight in the tournament."

"Well then why are you letting those other flying fucks fight them instead?"

"Because we're lazy."

"… dude just get your ass up there and do the real damage everyone wants you to do so that we aren't sitting around like a bunch of dipshits with sticks up our asses!"

"Fine!" Naruto jumped up onto the ring and began to speak, "Okay asswipes and fuckfaces, forget these flying fucks and fight me!!"

"Why should we?!" screamed Freiza, "Because I said so, and I'm the guy that's gonna win the goddamn tournament like the typical hero would do!"

"… Fine, we'll fight you…"

"Yeah you'd be invalidated if you fought somebody outside of the actual tournament, and plus this was originally arranged for just my cast vs. your cast!"

"Well then shut up and fight me you fuckrat!!"

"With gusto ya' cue ball bitch!!" with that they had a fight. It was a fucking awesome fight that lasted about five minutes. The outcome? Naruto standing there kicking Freiza repeatedly in the nuts while screaming, "How do ya' like me now motha' fucka'?! That's right, hurts don't it?! Hahahaha—wait… what the fuck?! You ain't got nuts?! Goddamn it!! I wanted to kick you in the nuts!!"

"F-f-fuck you dipshit…ugh…" with that Freiza fell to the mighty Naruto. Now it was time for Cell to step up again, "Alright, come to me 17 and 18, I need your powers again!!"

"No, fuck that!!" screamed the siblings in unison, "Fine, I'll _make _you!!" so there was a comical chase around the entire arena about fifteen circles until finally Naruto decided it was time to fight, "Fight _me_ goddamnit, I'm you fuckin' target!!" with that he attacked Cell with a powerful kick to the face. He went flying to the very edge of the arena, and barely caught himself before he fell off, "Fine, I'll fight you… but remember, this is a fight to the death, so don't bitch when we all see you back in Limbo!!"

"Fine, just came at me!!"

"Will do!!"

Okay that's the chapter… Jester didn't really want me deviating from the plot very much, so I ended up actually using Naruto more than the intended Ranma and Inuyasha casts… anyways, hopefully this is going to work out nicely for Jester. BTW, Jester is loosing his enthusiasm with the fic, and needs inspiration. So bitch at him, praise him, and give him shit to work with. He might have awesome ideas, but he wants to know for sure that you people that enjoy his comedy are going to appreciate his efforts. Also, be original people. Don't write stuff and use the techniques you see in other fics, read books and copy their formats, and come up with interesting new things. That's also why Jester is loosing oomph! Anyways, thank you to all those who have read the fic so far, and please check out my fic, 'Inuyasha, Grove Street OG At Your Service'. It's a crossover with GTA:SA if you couldn't tell from the title… well, I'm headin' out, so please have a wonderful day!

-JT Jewels


End file.
